Monday, April 30, 2007


Goddammit. That was bullshit. Chan Ho Park sucks. You know, except for his 2000 and 2001 seasons when he ruled. In any case he's sucked since then.

David Wright and Carlos Delgado can go fuck themselves. On a side note Carlos Delgado lives in the building next to me (also on the same block as the Cory Lidle building- please don't stalk Rory B. Bellows or eat my liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.)

The point is that David Wright (who Rory's college roomie met at a boxing fight over the summer), Carlos Delgado and Chan Ho Park can all insert the lifeline exercises into their respective anuses!

Friday, April 27, 2007

F You Willie

Either Oliver Perez is a MUCH BETTER hitter than any of us previously thought, or Willie Randolph lost the game for the Mets tonight. Top 6, down 3-2, bases loaded Perez up. What does Willie do? Lets Perez hit so that the Mets can not score any runs, which is apparently a good way to win baseball games. Thank you Willie!


The Mets are in town (now my hometown? GROSS!) for a 3 game weekend series against the Blargington Crapinals. Here is my charity pledge: 1 Beer for every run scored. By either team. I will also try and take some pictures with my stupid crappy camera phone to blog about but maybe I will just be too drunk, we shall see.

Ethier way I am fucking pumped.

Aaaaaaaand... there is a great article about former Met manager Bobby Valentine in this weeks issue of American Bear. Oh wait, wrong link, dont click that. Here is the article, in Sports Illustrated.

I always kinda enjoyed Bobby V and there's no denying he has good managerial skills, but after reading that article, it has been confirmed in my mind what I and many others long suspected. Bobby V is a prick. Even if he doesn't try to be one and has good intentions, like all other meglomaniacs he ends up coming off as a huuuuuuuge prick.

So what other meglomaniac do I see Valentine most resembling?

Suck on those skillz Conan O'Brian.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Tim Teufel Would Not Listen To This

As much as I really wish I liked this song...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Willie Randolph Guest Post

Hey, Dynamo, eat my tits. Has a graph ever won a baseball game? Look at's standings from a year ago. Did 'statistics' win the NL East? FUCK NO! It was the Metropolitans! You can say that the Mets won because they 'scored a ton of runs' and 'let up few runs' and that W-L record in and of itself is a 'statistic' and to that I say, 'we must agree to disagree.' I didn't see a graph hit a walk-off drag bunt last night, or hit the game tying homer in the bottom of the 10th, those were 'my guys' that did that. And they did it with grit, heart and determination with a side of hustle and scrap. So the next time you see Carlos (either one) bunt with the bases loaded and two outs to move the runners over, don't cite 'win-probability' to me or 'average-run-score' or whatever newfangled statistic you've found that is literally revolutionizing baseball. Just know that I played this motherloving game at the MAJOR LEAGUE level for 18 seasons and have coached it for another 14. That's right, 32 years of MAJOR LEAGUE EXPERIENCE (in the bigs we capitalize MAJOR LEAGUE. We also call it the bigs, never the show like that wannabe Ron Shelton made up. Or so I've heard, I'd never watch any movie that casts Danny Gans) tells me that bunting is the right play all the time! Bunting and letting your pitchers hit in key situations, that's how you win ballgames. Not with graphs, statistics, voodoo, or any other crap you, Bill James (inventor of 'fantasy baseball!' HA! It'll be a fantasy for that fat bearded bastard to ever get into a front office), Voros McCracken (more like Voros My Crack Hurts from pooping out bad statistics), Ron Shandler, Joe Sheehan (Baseball Prospectus my ASS! a prospectus is a guy like Lasto Millings, wait that's not right...what's his name...Lastoff...Lastout...Lastings...shoot I always do this... aww hell, we'll just call him Shawn Green) and Billy Beane (who Joe Morgan tells me wrote a book about himself) have come up with. Bunts win ballgames, end of Q&A.

Big Willie Style

Big Willie Randolph gets a lot of flak for his game management skills. He's not a brainy dude and and eschews the 'so-called-percentages'. Like the 'so-called-percentages' that say unless the pitcher is up, its better to have a man on 1st with no out than a man on 2nd with 2 outs?

But I am not here to pillory Big Will. It was a minor descrepency and we won the game. Plus how often do you see a 12th inning rally that features 2 bunts including a walk off drag bunt?

As long as we continue to pile on wins, I will allow Willie to use his 'I have confidence in my guys' excuse for all of his blunders. But bare in mind, Mr. Randolph, that come playoff time I may not be so forgiving.

Monday, April 23, 2007

I'm Hayden the Braves so much right now

Our first big bullpen meltdown and now we've lost the first 2 series against the Braves. At least theyre making it interesting this year.

By the way, does anyone else think Entourage completely sucks? Theres not much else on after the Sopranos but without Ari's 2 minutes of mandatory bigotry every episode that show is pretty worthless to me. And of course this didn't help.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Shawn Green Hates Ken Dynamo

Today's game produced two more pieces of evidence. First Green's game-tying solo HR in the bottom of the 5th was fueled by sheer ire for my compatriot, Kenneth. Apparently Green could be heard to say, "How do you like Dem Apples, Dynamo?!" while rounding the bases. Then in the top of the 6th, with Andruw Jones on 1B, McCann knocked a double to right and Green made a great play to keep Jones from scoring (of course Francoeur singled on the next play to drive in both runs). That play was just further icing on the cake that is Green taunting Dynamo. Tune in to the post-game press conference on SNY for Green bashing Dynamo after the game.

Two more quick-hits on today's game:
1- Smoltz's barehanded stab and throw from the hole (I didn't even know there was a hole between the pitcher's mound and 3B) on Glavine's nubber in the bottom of the 5th was just a spectacular play. I'll try to link to the play-by-play of this gem after the game.

2- I almost like it when the other team leads off with a hit (in today's case a homerun). Otherwise I spend the whole time up until the first hit thinking that today is finally the day that the franchise gets off the schneid.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Real Men of Genius, Gregg Jefferies

Today we salute you, Mr. wait until after you've left the Mets to make an All-Star team.
Not wanting to draw attention in the big city, you kept your OPS well under .800 for your
3 spectacular full Mets seasons. You led the league however in the stat that REALLY counts.
In 1987, you were the youngest player in baseball. Now that's real prodigal status. So here's
to you, my hero, Gregg Jefferies.

Friday, April 20, 2007

We're Great! Also Shawn Green's 145 OPS+ is making me look like an idiot.

We're back in 1st in the East, our run differential is +49 (after 14 games!) and cool standings says we have a 82.4% chance of making the playoffs AS OF APRIL 20th.

In short, we are awesome. Totally awesome.

Or are we?
We have been pummeling opponents handily all year and lead the league in several major statistical categories. So is there any cause for concern?

Well... mebbe a lil'bit.

For starters, our BABIP is waaaaay too high (.359 vs NL ave of .294) meaning we're getting lucky and should expect our sparkling team BA of .303 to comeback to earth fairly quickly. Also our isolated slugging is merely good (.156 v .137 league) so our power isn't necessarily going to pick up the slack if and when our OBP declines due to the inflated BA.

On the positive side, our defensive has been absolutely silly +22 fielding runs (league average? minus 22). However, our crazy good D does mean our incredible team ERA of 2.40 plummets to 4.54 when viewed independent of fielding (first to worst!).

All this is nitpicking, however, and doesn't change the fact that we are an unstoppable Juggernaut of pain and destruction stampeding toward a 3 game collision with the soon to be devastated Atlanta Braves.

Get ready to taste it, Atlantards.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Remembering Two Bad Trades

It's hard for a single player to be involved in two bad trades for the same team. Granted it's not impossible (See Samuel, Juan), but usually it's only one of the trades that's a bad one (See Alomar, Roberto). Kevin McReynolds falls into the former category of a player who was a bad pickup, and then was also a bad tradeaway.

Trade #1-
Traded with Gene Walter (who would go on to pitch less than 17 innings for the Mets) and Adam Ging (who never made the majors), from the San Diego Padres, to the Mets in exchange for Kevin Mitchell, Stan Jefferson (who was basically a part-time player for 6 seasons in MLB) and Shawn Abner (another part-time player for 6 seasons in MLB) on Dec. 11, 1986.

Although McReynolds was actually quite a nice player during his time with the Mets (posting OPS+'s of 117, 142, 125, 121, 108 from 1987-1991), he will forever be remembered as the player for whom the Mets traded Kevin Mitchell (career OPS+ 142 in 13 MLB seasons).

The only year when this trade was a victory for the Mets was 1988 when Mitchell's OPS+ was "only" 121, while McReynolds' was 142. The Mets would go on to lose to Orel "F**in" Hershiser in the NLCS. Thereafter Mitchell would go on to be league MVP (not a great metric for establishing greatness, I know, but still he was really good) and one of the most prolific HR hitters of the late 80's/early 90's.

Trade #2-
Thus in 1991, coming of an average season (OPS+ 108), the Mets decided to package him, Gregg Jefferies and Keith Miller (who would play part-time in parts of his 4 remaining MLB seasons) for Bret Saberhagen and Bill Pecota (who would OPS+ 69 in part-time action for the Mets in 1992).

Saberhagen was mostly hurt in 3.5 years with the Mets, although he did post an ERA+ of of 152 in 177 IP in 1994. McReynolds had an adequate year in 1992, posting an OPS+ of 115 and then was basically a non-factor thereafter, retiring in 1994 (after being traded back to the Mets for Vince Coleman, in the only trade McReynolds was involved in that wasn't a disaster for the Mets). Jefferies, however, would go on to have a fine 14 year career, with a career OPS+ of 106, and career OBP of .344. Jefferies best years came in 1993 and 1994 as a member of the St. Louis Cardinals (OPS+ of 141 and 130, respectively).

So in sum Kevin McReynolds, although he had a couple of nice years for the Mets, was a big piece of crap who screwed us not once, but twice. Thanks, Jerk!

Still Unlucky

After last night's 8-1 thrashing of the Phils, the Mets have run their Pythagorean W-L to 10-2 (the Braves is 7-6). Nonetheless the Metropolitans remain 1/2 game behind the Braves for 1st place in the NL East. Tommy Glavine ran off win number 293 and Moises Alou, generally dropped his sweaty nuts on Freddy Garcia and the Phils.

On a side note, after the game Charlie Manuel offered to fight local radio host, Howard Eskin. I'd give him about another month before he gets fired. It's nice to see the Phillies crapping the bed this early. Now to take care of the Braves over the weekend.


Nothing like a series sweep of Phillies. And in Philadelphia to boot!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

My Friend's Jay Mariotti Story

There is no way of verifying this story and it is a little off topic but I still think it needs to be told.

This past weekend, one of my friends from college, Mr. Spluge (not exactly his real name), was in town, DC, for one of his friends’ bachelor party. After getting good and sloshed at one of Washington’s finest gentleman’s club Saturday evening, Spluge retired to his swank DuPont hotel, which, apparently, was also the preferred lodging for sports journalist and TV personality Jay Mariotti, presumably in town for the Bulls v. ‘Zards matchup.

Spluge recounts his lobby rendezvous with Mariotti thusly:

Spluge: Hey you're that ESPN guy.

Mariotti: No, that's not me. Nope. Definitely not that guy.

S: Yeah its you, I can tell. Don't lie to me, you're definitely that guy on around the horn.

M: Yeah whatever.

S: Man, you look wasted. Are you sure ESPN would approve of this Michael Irvin-esque level of intoxication?

M: Yeah cause you look REAL sober yourself.

S: Man you're just as big of a dick in person as you are on TV.

M: Look at your hat, it says LSU. You're never going to accomplish anything in life. Everyone from down there are idiots and it’s a terrible school.

At that point our equally sloshed friend ‘Fat Andy’ decided he has heard enough and stepped menacingly toward Jay and warned, “Don't fucking talk shit to my friend.”

Mariotti wisely turned tail and fled “like a little girl.” I would too, Fat Andy’s appearance is not unlike that of Mustard Man (see below).

Spluge’s calls of "ESPN Man, come back!” went unanswered

I admit, without pics the whole tale is a bit dubious, but Spluge is as big a sports fan as they come and would defintiley recognize Mariotti. And can’t you just picture this all going down like so? (Spluge is a guy, by the way, who earlier that weekend was forced to weather a furious admonishment from an irate cab driver after he had given the driver $20 bucks on a 12 dollar fare and told him to ‘keep the change, you filthy animal’).

And just because I took the time to make this insanely clever and hilarious Photoshops/MSPaint of my friend Spluge, I’ll post here in lieu of pics from the Mariotti incident.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Purely Hypothetical Trade

So, I thought I'd post a hypothetical here and let people chime in with their thoughts. A few caveats before we start. The analysis here is based purely on baseball ability, salary and possible future projections. This criteria does not take into account the value of team cohesiveness, homegrown talent, clubhouse moxie, off-the-field business opportunities or anything else (mea culpa- Rory is a bit leery of the value of all of these things anyway).


Player 1:
3B, 24 y/o, 6 Years/$55MM(through 2012)
2004: 263 AB, 857 OPS, 14 HR, 6 SB, -8 FRAA
2005: 575 AB, 911 OPS, 27 HR, 17 SB, 3 FRAA
2006: 582 AB, 912 OPS, 26 HR, 20 SB, 9 FRAA
2007: 42 AB, 856 OPS, 0 HR, 3 SB, 0 FRAA

Player 2:
2B, 28 y/o, 7 Years/$85MM (through 2013)
2003: 134 AB, 695 OPS, 2 HR, 2 SB, 3 FRAA
2004: 267 AB, 776 OPS, 13 HR, 4 SB, 4 FRAA
2005: 543 AB, 916 OPS, 28 HR, 16 SB, -1 FRAA
2006: 658 AB, 906 OPS, 32 HR, 15 SB, -10 FRAA
2007: 46 AB, 874 OPS, 2 HR, 0 SB, 1 FRAA

My hypothesis, before this little experiment, was that Player 2 is the better player and I'd rather have him on my team than Player 1. After doing this experiment, I think I'll take Player 1. Cheaper, younger and just as good, if not better, although he plays a position at which it's a little easier to find offensive talent. As you've probably guessed Player 1 is David Wright and Player 2 is Chase Utley.

It occurred to me last week that I really think Utley is a great player, while Wright has been playing terribly as of late. It seems we just get into ruts while watching our own team. It was time to take a little step back, and look from afar and realize, "Hey- we've got a great young 3rd Baseman." Anyone think that Utley's value at 2nd base outweighs Wright's age and palatable contract?

Also- Utley's WARP last year was 7.8, while Wright's was 9.0; both solid numbers from two solid players. Now to get back to cheering for Wright and realizing how good we Mets fans have it at the hot corner.

The Joy of Sux

Red Sox fans are raging pussies. First they bitch about Shea Stadium playing Sweet Caroline, then they delete comments I made on their blog, calling them out for their stupid whining, then they respond to the email I sent, calling them out for deleting my post like a fucking pussy, thusly:

"i deleted it because it was not civil and did nothing to promote discussion. why do you bother wasting your time on a sucky blog written by a pussy?

also, anyone is free to disagree with me on the blog. only one rule: they have to have to express it like an intelligent adult. your post failed that test "

what a bitch. At least he admits he is a pussy who writes a sucky blog.

Striking Position

I like the fact that the Mets are a game out. I gives us the opportunity to let the Braves get complacent and weak. Speaking of weak, I now only jagoff two times a day.

Newest Predictions:

Mets - 158 - 4

My hand = calloused and stained

Sunday, April 15, 2007

It's Spanish for: "The Niño"

So crappy weather is keeping the Mets from redeeming themselves after Saturday's debacle and Big Will from wearing no. 42. It also messed up my Cherry Blossom Festival plans. Stupid jerk weather.

I was going to take this time to do a 'how are we doing' analysis but I'd rather use this time to download some porno. So the quick & dirty: We're at a 40% chance to make the post season, our team ERA+ plus leads the league (still too many BB) and our team OPS+ is fourth in the league. Slugging is down so if we start launching more ding dongs we'll be doing even better (ok, yeah - file that under duh). In summation, enjoy your lead while you can, bravos. Stupid jerk bravos.

Friday, April 13, 2007

A Small Statement

The Metropolitans take 2 of 3 from the Phils, and make a small early season statement. The Mets are 2 games into a stretch of 15 games in 15 days. So far the bullpen is rested the team has been winning and things are rosy. It would be really nice to sweep poor, old Manny Acta's Nats before heading down to Philly on Monday for a 2 game set.

Also, surprisingly the Mets have been quite unlucky to be only 6-3. Their Pythagorean W-L is 8-1, they've scored the 2nd most runs in either league and have let up the 2nd fewest runs in either league. In short, things are going well in Queens (despite the HORRIFIC parking- CitiField has taken up 2/3 of the non-prepaid lot and with the pre-paid oversold, well... let's just say Rory recommends taking the 7 and LIRR to the games this year. Ahh- but I digress.)

Mike Pelfrey's first start of the year tonight vs. John Patterson. All Pelfrey really has to do is keep the ball down and throw strikes. The Mets will score a ton of runs against this team. The over/under is 9, and it's not because the Nats are a run-scoring machine.

Neither nappy-headed nor ho

What's a brother gotta do to catch a break around here?

I understand Shawn Green used to be good, and I would have loved to have had him in the outfield during his PED taking, 40 ding dong knocking days (certainly over, say, timo perez & company). But those days are over and now it's time for the Hammerin Hebrew to shuffle off to South Beach and make way for future. Seriously, how can you get in the way of a kid who has so clearly gotten his grown man on?


Oh, and a note to the Rutgers women's basketball team. I would feel a lot sorrier for you if you hadn't BLOWN IT BIG TIME IN THE FINALS AND LOST TO THE TENESSEE ASSHOLE VOLUNTARDS. Way to represent the great state of New Jersey, you spectacular losers. You dirty bitches. You ugly ugly lesbians.

I can't believe I watched a whole women's college basketball game.

R-U! R-U! R-U! R-U!

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


I had a hardon listening to the great Mets fans - all of whom get laid more than stupid redskins fans - chant the hated name of Jimmy Roll of Toilet Paper in a mocking fashion.

Newest Prediction:

Mets: 160 - 2

Braves: (-5,000) - your mother

Redskins: crushed in the Meadowlands by the Green Machine

Cogent Statistical Analysis for RockYourFace

Mr. B. Bellows had the pleasure of attending yesterday's home opener and watching from the 3rd row, thanks to his childhood neighbor and close friend:

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I've been biting my tongue on this for awhile, but Willie Randolph is just not a good game manager. Evidence:

1- Mets up 2-1, Bottom of the 4th, 2 outs, John Maine up with runners on first and second. Keep in mind Maine had struggled mightily in the previous 2 innings. In the top of the inning Maine had loaded the bases with 0 outs and then worked out of it, and his pitch count was just shy of 90. Of course, Willie lets Maine strikeout and then yanks him 2/3 of an inning later.

2- Mets up 3-2, Top of the 6th, Ambiorix Burgos pitching to Ryan Howard, runners on 2nd and 3rd with two outs. Willie himself, not Rick Peterson, comes out to talk to Burgos, presumably to tell him not to give Howard anything to hit with a base open. Well, Burgos has never averaged anything less than a walk every other inning, and let up a staggering 16 HR in only 73 IP last year, obviously he doesn't have pinpoint control. Of course he hangs a splitter/slider (I don't know which because it didn't split or slide) and Howard deposits it over the right field fence for a 5-3 Phillie lead. WALK RYAN HOWARD WITH FIRST BASE OPEN, YOU MORON!

3- Mets down 5-4, Bottom of the 8th, runners on 1st and 2nd, 0 outs, Jose Valentin up. First off Willie decides to pinch-run Endy Chavez for Shawn Green. Not a move I would've made, but ok. Then Willie bunts Jose Valentin, to move the runners up to 2nd and 3rd with 1 out. THIS IS A TERRIBLE PLAY! The expected run value of runners on 1st and 2nd with 0 outs is 1.47, the expected run value of runners on 2nd and 3rd with 1 out is 1.41. So, in short (without looking at the likelihoods of scoring 1 or 2 runs specifically in each situation) YOU'RE BETTER OFF NOT BUNTING IF YOUR GOAL IS TO SCORE RUNS. Also- all of that presupposes that Valentin successfully gets the bunt down and Moises Alou successfully runs the bases. Needless to say Valentin bunts too hard, Geoff Geary makes a great play off the mound and guns down Alou at 3B. Expected run value of 1st and 2nd with 1 out is .91. So Willie/Valentin/Alou cost us a half-run, attempting to gain -.06 runs. UGH!

4- Mets down 5-4, Bottom of the 8th, runners on 1st and 2nd, 1 out Pedro Feliciano up. The very next batter after the bunting debacle, Willie decides to pinch-hit Julio Franco (spring OPS .734) instead of Lastings Milledge (spring OPS .974). Again I understand small sample size, and I know that Milledge's 2006 Major League Equivalents weren't exactly Hall of Fame caliber, but come on. Milledge should've been starting yesterday instead of Green. It was a day game after a travel day, with a left-handed pitcher starting for the Phils. What does Milledge have to do in order to get some playing time?! Did he sleep with Randolph's wife or something? What the hell?!

This stuff all comes out in the wash on this day, because the Mets would go on to score 7 runs in the inning; but over the long run making bad baseball decisions, particularly those that hurt your team's offensive goal of scoring runs, will cost the Mets wins. I also understand the values of things like instilling confidence in your players, handling the media well, taking good photographs, shielding your players from blame, etc... But, in the end I still can't help but think that it shouldn't be too hard for a manager to not hurt his team's chances of scoring runs.

Jimmy Rollins hangs out under the boardwalk

Even with that big mouth of yours, it must be uncomfortable trying to fit a foot in when there is already a schlong.

Monday, April 9, 2007

A potential adversary?

How is this deadspin post material but a sale on Fart Hams at Wholes foods isn't?

I say we take this fucker out.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

I Double Wished on that Same Shooting Star

For the Braves to drop dead, NOW DROP DEAD! Do we take solace in the fact that our Pythagorean W-L is 5-1 and the Braves is 3-3 and that's a far better measure of future success than W-L record?

FUCK NO. Time to go drop our nuts on the Phils and wait for Friday Apr 20, when the Bravos come to Shea. In the meantime 5 games with the Phils (should end their season), a series with the Nats (Sorry Manny Acta), and a two-game set against the Marlins (likeable team, but too young).


Friday, April 6, 2007

Four Down, 158 To-Go

Oliver Perez pitched a ho-hum 7 innings of 1-run, 5-hit, 6-K, 0-BB ball. Jose Reyes had 3 hits, 2 runs and 4 RsBI. Just another normal night for the men in blue and orange; although 11-1 truly doesn't do justice to the drubbing that the Metropolitans just laid on the Bravos. It was really more like 1 million to 0. Tomorrow we've got Glavine vs. Smoltz at 3:30 on Fox, and Sunday it's Duque vs. Kyle Davies. I'd say the safe bet is on the Mets going 6-0 and having the division in hand by the end of the weekend.

Will Leitch DOES taste the poop and pee

So I emailed Will Leitch of Deadspin fame and Cardinal superfandom, taunting him about our sweepage of his beloved red birds and asking him if he can taste the poop and pee in his mouth. He snappily replied with nothing but this.

What a dick.

However, it did at least help me realize the our mini NLCS revenge was merely a tune up for the real series. Tonight we travel to the pubic bone of the East coast to obliterate Los Bravos Fagortos. Lets keep our eye on the prize and our hate keenly focused. Fuck you, Braves, you fucking fucks.

Also this is off topic but everyone needs to get their asses directly to (Butt) Whole Foods like RIGHT NOW. They are having an unbelievable sale. Check it out:

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Why bother?

There is a team in the league.
This team is tied for 2nd in runs scored.
This team is leading in fewest runs allowed.
This team is undefeated.

Need we even play out the season?

An Honest Post

As I sit here watching the Metropolitans, a part of me is rooting for Braden Looper. I always felt he got a raw deal in New York. Granted he was a below average closer, but how many truly "great" closers are there? Did Mets fans feel supremely confident with John Franco (AKA Johnnie Fiasco) on the hill in the 9th? Or Benitez? Of course, we all yearn for the cerberus-like trio of McDowell, Aguilera and Orosco; but Looper just wasn't that bad and didn't deserve the hellish treatment he received during his 2 seasons in Queens.

Thus, I am now rooting for Maine to continue his dominance (it's the 4th inning and I won't say what type of game he has going now, but it hearkens back to a late 80's/early 90's WWF wrestler), and for the Mets to break through against the Cardinals bullpen.

PS- The 2007 MLB Payrolls were just released, and the Mets come in at a pedestrian $115MM (3rd highest in the league). These figures may be the basis of an upcoming post...look out!

I almost forgot about this sweet Cardinals superfan

If we loss to Braden Looper I'm punching myself in the face

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Kip Wells is a gay name

The Mets defense was great Sunday night. The stache had a HUGE play. Reyes was on point. Moistened Aloe had a terrific catch in left and Carlos Belty Belt's arm is a fucking bazooka (not like a breast, like a rocket launcher).

In short we kicked ass. Unlike the Slut Louis Cardin-a-holes. Nice catch at the warning track So Tagaychi. That was was a great Endy Chavez impression... NOT.

Ruh-Roh. You make a bad pray!

You know who else kicks ass? Down. I just saw them play last night and they were fucking rockin like Moroccans. Check it out.

You know who couldn't be in this metal super group? Anyone on the Braves. Not in a band with 2 ex members of Pantera and Pepper Keenen of Corrosion of Conformity on lead guitar. I don't think so Braves. Nice try. Pussies.

Monday, April 2, 2007

More Proof...

That Keith Hernandez kicks ass. Last night those self-serving, smug, alcoholic Cardinals honored their 1982 World Series Champion team (apparently there was a year that the Mets didn't win?!) Mr. Hernandez played 1st base on that team, so he was part of the celebration. Check out what he wore to the celebration:
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YES! "Hmm... Go ahead, wear a blue blazer over an orange polo. I'M KEITH HERNANDEZ!!!"

Sunday, April 1, 2007




Who knew Vegas had a bankrupty wish?

Upon opening today's paper to scour for the police blotter, I came across a heinous egregious felonious act. Vegas has placed the odds of the Mets winning the World Series at 5-1. Even 1-5 odds would be easy money, but FIVE TO ONE. Vegas is saying there's an 80% chance that Jose Reyes will not have a World Series MVP trophy come late November.

There are two people who will be partying harder than the soon-to-be all time stolen base leader at the end of this season, 1. me after cashing in my gambling ticket hence quintupling my money, 2. David Wright.

I could have ended my day having already witnessed my quota for shit-that's-fucked-up. But to no avail. Not only were the Mets dissed with the aforementioned odds, Vegas had the gaul to list one other team with even better odds. With 3-1 odds, drumroll please..........THOSE DILDOS FROM THE BRONX.

There's nothing more I enjoy than watching our boys from Flushing flush down the rest of the MLB, but hating the Yankees comes in a close second. The Yankees are 3-1 odds to win the World Series. Where Vegas gets off thinking the Yanks will make it out of the ALDS is one thing, but placing the highest odds in the hands of this:

I'll see you on the mound after game 6 of the 2007 WS, victoriously holding my ticket. The Mets climactically would have done this in game 7, but we had to push the celebration forward, since Trevor Hoffman blew the fucking All-Star game again.

Cards' Starting Rotation

Has anyone looked at the Cardinals' starting rotation this year?

Chris Carpenter- 2006 ERA+ 143, WOW. This guy is unquestionably great and a steal at 5 years $63MM
Kip Wells- 2006 ERA+ 70, also WOW, but only 44 innings. Career ERA+ is 99 (IE- just below league average). $4MM/1 year, not a bad contract for a guy who averages 187 IP.
Anthony Reyes- 2006 ERA+ 87 (IE- significantly below league average). $362K/1 year, not bad either.
Adam Wainwright- 2006 ERA+ 141. Career 130 ERA+ in 77 IP. $419K/1 year, another good contract.
Braden Looper- 2006 ERA+ 124, career ERA+ 118 (all 608 of his career IP have come from the pen). $13.5MM/3 yr, not awful, if he can eat 150 IP or so.

A tremendous number of question marks on the staff. The Cards are going to have to significantly outproduce their 781 runs scored of a year ago in order to be successful this year. In fact, I'll say that they need at least 800 runs to win that division.

This One's for 1985- Mets vs. Cards Preview

First, for anyone that didn't see the Civil Rights Game, I'll sum it up. MLB sent two teams to Memphis, to "commemorate the civil rights movement, one of the most critical and important eras of our social history," MLB Commissioner Bud Selig said in a statement. Selig went on to note how proud he is of MLB's storied civil rights triumphs, and MLB's history of being a leader in the civil rights struggle. The problem is that MLB then sent this team:
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I think it's high time we got rid of these Native American mascots, no?

NOW FOR THE PREVIEW. This is Rory B. Bellows Official Predictive Box Score (Including Predicted Lineup) for Tonight's Contest:

1- Reyes SS 2-4, 1 BB, 3 SB, 1 HR, 5 RsBI
2- Wright 3B 5-5, 0 BB, 2 SB, 5 HR, 10 RsBI
3- Beltran CF 3-3, 2 BB, 4 SB, 1 HR, 7 RsBI
4- Delgado 1B 0-0, 5 BB, 1 SB, 0 HR, 5 RsBI (all intentional walks with the bases loaded)
5- Alou LF 2-5, 0 BB, 0 SB, 0 HR, 2 RsBI
6- Green RF 0-1, 0 BB, 0 SB, 0 HR, 0 RsbI
Milledge RF 4-4, 0 BB, 6 SB, 4 HR, 16 RsBI
7- LoDuca C 0-5, 0 BB, 0 SB, 0 HR, 0 RsBi
8- Valentin 2B 1-1. 4 BB, 4 SB, 0 HR, 3 RsBI
9- Glavine P 0-0, 5 Sac

9 IP, 27 K's, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 ER (First perfect game in team history!)