Thursday, October 30, 2008


A hardy congratulations to the NEW JERSEY NETS for winning their season opener against the Washington Wizards! An no congratulations to the Phillies for being a bunch of fart sniffers.

I acknowledge but one positive thing ever to come out of the city of Philadelphia:

I hope those morons riot for weeks.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

3 innings, 9 outs, 1 dream, countless buttheads

Tonight, the Phillies try to end Philadelphia's 25 some odd year championship drought in the 4 major North American sports. I, like most of America, will be desperately cheering for the Rays, because fuck Philadelphia, that's why. You had your moment to shine back during the Constitutional Convention, now quit whining and accept your fate as an also-ran and get in line somewhere between Bismarck and Charlotte on the list of American ctities of importance.

Also fuck the Eagles. Especially McNarb. Now check out this sweet jack o'lantern I made:

Now when trick or treaters stop by they will see my pumpkin and then realize that the Eagles do indeed suck. Check it out at night:

Oooh, impressive, no?

Now, Rays, please help prolong the agony of the entire generation of Philadelphians who do not remember a time when one of their favorite teams was a champion. The citizens of our nation are counting on you.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

C'mon Rays, you stupid Rays!

Thanks to the shitty weather in Philadelphia (I can't think of a good derogatory pun for Philadelphia, by the way. Just another thing that infuriates me about that city), the stupid jagov Phillies are about as close as you can be to winning a world series without actually being in the middle of a game. We have the stupid jagov Rays to thank for this. Thanks a lot Rays, you assholes. Hey, they're just like the 69 Mets, except they are going to fucking blow it like chumps instead of being champions like the Mets!

All this makes me think of how absurd it is that basebal teams pop champagne and wildly celebrate after winning each series. How fucking retarded is that? And because they celebrated advacing to the finals only to now be on the brink of choking like jackasses, I am forced to take picture of the Rays celebrating and MS Paint in a bunch of penis to make them all look gay.

Sorry Rays, you brought this on yourselves. Link not safe for work, dummies.

In a mostly unrelated note, did anyone watch last Sunday's Entourage? I still watch it, even though it's boring, predictable and totally retarded, but this week's episode shockingly takes the cake (the cake made of shit). None of the characters in Entourage ever deal with conflicts or suffer consequences yet never before have the lazy, inept writers ever been so blatant as to actually have the group acknowledge that, after a whole season of dramatic post twists and turns, absolutley nothing has changed by the end. "Well Ari's back to being an agent, Vince is a rich movie star and everyone in the audiance just completely wasted their time caring about what happens in ever episode in this show's history. Haha, fuck you stupid tv viewer!"

I'm also sick of Ari's constant gay bashing of Lloyd yet his adament refusual to include the word faggot in his increasingly contrived insults. Seriously, why is that word so taboo? Saying Lloyd has to clean the cum out of his eyes so he can see better is fine but saying, 'Shut up, Lloyd, you faggot,' would be over the line? How does that make sense?

In conclusion, I too would like to be jerked off by Meadow Soprano.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

OooOOoooh, one game... BIG DEAL

I guess the Phillies think they're all hot shit right now but guess what? They're not.

Hey I just thought of some pretty hilarious jokes about the Phillies. You might recognize them from other places but these are all new and all different because I made them about the Phillies, who are all huge, huge pussies.

What do you call a thousand dead Phillies at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

How do you remove twenty dead Phillies from a garbage can?
With a pitchfork.

Whats the difference between ten bowling balls and ten dead Phillies?
I don't have ten bowling balls in the trunk of my car.

What's the difference between Hitler and a Phillie?
Hitler was also an accomplished artist.

Whats red, white and blue and also a bunch more red smeared all over the place?
A Phillie in a blender.

What do you get when you cross Mahatma Ghandi, Mother Teresa and a Philadelphia Phillie?
A no-good worthless piece of shit.

What did the deaf, blind and crippled Phillie get for Christmas?

So a British guy, a French guy, a Mets fan and a Phillies fan were all flying in a plane. Right in the middle of their flight the pilot turns to all four passengers and says, 'Sorry guys, this plane is going to crash and we've only got one spare parachute. You'll have to decide amongst yourselves who gets it.' So the four guys look at each other until finally the British guy stands up and yells 'God save the Queen!' and jumps out of the plane without a chute. This inspires the French guy who also stands up and says 'Viva La France!' and then also throws himself out of the plane. The Met and Phillie fans both now stare at each other until finally the Mets fan grabs the Phillies fan and screams 'Fuck you, you stupid piece of shit!' and throws the Phillie fan out of the plane. Then he yells out of the plane 'Have fun getting fisted in Hell, motherfucker!'

The end.

Monday, October 20, 2008

so... this blog kinda sucks

But so do the Red Sox. Fuck those guys. Look at what a big peener muncher Big Papi is. You fat fuck, you.

Also, who the hell is impersonating me on the 700 Level and dropping LOLz like its cool?

Anyhow, hopefully the Phillies being in the WS will inspire some fresh hatred from me to vomit out onto these web pages soon. I can't wait, I can practically taste the bile!