Tonight, the Phillies try to end Philadelphia's 25 some odd year championship drought in the 4 major North American sports. I, like most of America, will be desperately cheering for the Rays, because fuck Philadelphia, that's why. You had your moment to shine back during the Constitutional Convention, now quit whining and accept your fate as an also-ran and get in line somewhere between Bismarck and Charlotte on the list of American ctities of importance.
Also fuck the Eagles. Especially McNarb. Now check out this sweet jack o'lantern I made:
Now when trick or treaters stop by they will see my pumpkin and then realize that the Eagles do indeed suck. Check it out at night:
Oooh, impressive, no?
Now, Rays, please help prolong the agony of the entire generation of Philadelphians who do not remember a time when one of their favorite teams was a champion. The citizens of our nation are counting on you.