Wednesday, January 30, 2008

8 random facts you couldn't care less about!

Sexy Metsblogatrix Coop tagged me on her bad ass mets blog My Summer Family. Coop's got 7 tattoos (any peircing? RAWR!)

So now I have bore you with 8 random facts about me. Hey, who moved into the new high rise Randominiums?

1) one time in college my friend funneled cranberry and vodka and then threw up on the back of his own head!

2) another time in college some chick said 'if y'all play lynard skynard i will strip for you.' So we did, and she did!

3) i got my only fake ID i ever had taken from me by a cop in atlanta. fuck you atlanta!

4) I think Robocop is awesome!

5) one time in college i made a pldge burn a CD that had just one song on it. that song was Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. The pledge then had to listen to that CD on repeat and sing along in the middle of the freshmen quad all afternoon. I dropped periodically to check on him and made sure he was singing.

6) in my first apartment i cut out pictures of polar beers from a national geographic and put them up in the hallway and then posted a sign that said 'Welcome to Polar Bear Alley'

7) one time, for halloween, my friend dressed up as a yeti's pale testicle.

8) My favorite drinks are Miller Lite and Jagermeister.

I think I'm supposed to tag other bloggers now but I i'm shy so i'll just use this as another excuse to link to eric simon's totally dope blog Amazin' Avenue. eric is what we call an educated rapper here in the mets blogosphere. his science is too tight!

Dumb Trade?

It was if you listen to moronical Braves fans. Here's what Holty08 said on Talking Chop:

Ladies and gentlemen I swear that the addition of Santana is nothing but hype for a guy that is nothing more that just that hype. Everyone in the free world has been building up this guy like he is the second-coming or something. What does one or two maybe three good years make a career in the majors and decide whether you should be in the hall of fame?? Forget Santana the Braves and Phillies are still the front runners in the east and the the Braves have the best shot. Sorry Met fans but hey don't worry win over 90-100 plus games and collaspe the last three weeks of the season like you did last year and gift wrapped the division for the Phillies whom had no business in the playoffs as we all saw. Who else is on the Mets pitching staff and whom do they have in the minors as far as major league ready starters????? I rest my case.

I rest my case, hah! This guy cracks me up. To be fair, there are plenty of miserable Braves fans that recognize that this trade gives the Mets a huge advantage, in 2008 at least. I wasn't as super psyched as some people were when I heard about this, but reading how miserable it made the rest of the NL East definitely makes it a touchdown slam dunk of an extra point.

In conclusion, my thoughts on this trade can be summed up thusly: Die Braves! Die a thousand deaths from my fists!

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008


D Wright told reporters today (today? wow what a scoop!) that even he, the great and kind, David Wright, can not countenance that stupid butt plug, Paul Lo Duca.

"No matter how close a friend (not that I am friends with that sack of shit), I can't condone steroids," said New York City's Golden One.

No one likes Big Pud. I'd bet not even his own kids.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Go Giants Die Patriots

I've been a little preoccupied with the Big Blue Wrecking Crew lately, so I haven't had time to do much of anything but slug tall frosties and cheer on on the G-Men in my totally rad Plaxico Burress jersey. It was especially satisfying watching the New York Football Giants beat Tony Robozo and the Cowgirls. Cowgirls fans are so stupid they look like this guy:

I also found this amazing video via my favorite Giants blog, Big Blue View (where I post as DieEaglesDie, clever, no?)

Holy jeebus I love that video.

So hopefully I'll think of more Mets shit to write about after the Super Bowl. And the always the chance I get bored and write more fake entourage episodes.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Pathetically lame blogger battle!

I don't mean to start off with an ad hominem attack, but the shitty Phillies blog Crashburn Alley is written by a real cockbite, and here's why:

A little while ago I found this post on on Crashburn Alley. It's got some pretty bombastic claims and a severe rebuke to Carlos Delgado, one of the most soft spoken well liked guy in the majors. I'm all for shit talking, but if youre going to tell Carlos Delgado to 'shut the fuck up' and then go on to say some shit like "the Mets definitely aren’t as good as the Phillies going into 2008," you better A) back that up with some sound research, and B) be able to handle a little trash talk coming the other way.

So I posted some comments like this:

"comparing what rollins did last year to this nothing of a quote by delgado is ludicrous.
as for your analysis, there is plenty of ways to say the mets will be just as good as the phillies will be next year. as you pointed out, there is a tiny .11 runs per game difference. statistically thats nothing. plenty of teams won more games than teams that outscored them by a mere .11 runs/game.
im not going to go thru and correct your whole article but like i said, if you want to really find out who will do better next year, get some reasonable playing time estimates and use PECOTA or CHONE et al to get some decent projections and go from there."

This is actually exactly what my comment said. I saved it because Mr Crashburn Alley, Bill Baer, decided my previous comment was too "immature" and deleted it. That is fucking weak. What he meant by 'immature' is I called his post terrible and he can't handle the criticism. So while I'm making cogent agruements for his post being dogshit, I'm also having this conversation with him via email.

On Jan 8, 2008 5:11 PM, Ken Dynamo <> wrote:
only an idiot would say the mets are losing shawn green's 120 CAREER OPS+ next year. and youre saying last year rowand did a better job than the beltran last year? are fucking retarded? actually, i think you said at CF, the phillies were better than the mets. but you dont add up all the ABs for CFers, just the two players who got most of the ABs, and you only use OPS+, and ignore defense, among other things. over all your article blew. that is some horrible analysis.

also, why did you delete my comment? because i criticized your boring and awful post? thats a great way to start a dialog.

i'll see you and jimmy rollins in hell.

ate: Tue, 8 Jan 2008 17:27:29 -0500
Subject: Re: horrible article about the mets v phillies

You can criticize me all you want as long as you're mature and intelligent. I think you can tell by this E-mail of yours why I deleted your comment. Leave the immaturity out and it sticks!

Neither of us can look at the situation 100% objectively, so let's both admit we have a bias towards our teams.

Rowand got about 95% of the playing time in center field for the Phillies, and Beltran got 85% for the Mets. The only "other" center fielder to log at least 100 defensive innings for either team is Lastings Milledge and based on his average season last year, it's actually better I didn't even include him. And look at it this way: Rowand had more plate appearances and put up a higher OPS than Beltran. That counts for something, doesn't it?

And if you read this article from The Hardball Times, Beltran is worth almost 4 runs less than Rowand defensively when it comes to their arms. Granted, that's a rough measure, and I do believe Beltran is better than Rowand defensively overall (better range), but they're not that far apart for it to have a consequence in the figures.

If you read the article carefully, you'll see that I said that Green underperformed for the Mets, so they're not actually losing a 120 OPS+. Also, I used plate appearances, not at-bats.


-- Bill B.

On Jan 8, 2008 7:23 PM, Ken Dynamo < > wrote:
oh christ, bill, grow a sack. i'd assumed that someone who feels comfortable attacking the integrity of professional sports journalists can handle some fellow hack blogger calling their post boring. have some balls, honestly.

as for beltran v rowand, why not just look at win shares. you know TH publishes them for everyone.

wow, 4 runs better with his throwing arm. too bad it doesnt make up for the 4 WIN difference beltran has over rowand.

and i still dont get why you would use green CAREER OPS+ when hes is clearly at the end of his career. youve heard of career decline? i would say green actually out preformed expectations this year, considering most people expected him to suck even worse. losing green is addition by subtraction.

you are taking hack to a new level. congratulations.

warm regards,

Date: Wed, 9 Jan 2008 05:35:58 -0500
Subject: Re: horrible article about the mets v phillies


Win shares aren't very highly regarded.

As for Green, he's been good as recently as 2005, but he won't be 2001-02 good. He's entering his 14th full season, I wouldn't call him finished. He still gets on base above the league average. Wherever he signs, he'll be a decent #6/7 hitter. Seems that the Giants and Devil Rays are the teams most interested.

I have no interest in talking sports, politics, or any other issue if the person I am dealing with isn't displaying maturity, respect, and/or intelligence. And I never attacked Conlin's integrity.

Thanks for understanding,

Bill B.

On Jan 9, 2008 9:14 AM, Ken Dynamo <> wrote:
god you're a pussy.

Re: horrible article about the mets v phillies‏
From: Bill Baer (
Sent: Wed 1/09/08 12:44 PM
To: Ken Dynamo (
I'm a lover, not a fighter, Ken. :)

-- Bill B.

I probably come off as a real dickhead in this exchange, and I'm sure Bill Baer is a decent guy in real life, but fuck it, don't be so fucking sensitive, man. So you have a hack blog. Big deal. This blog sucks, you don't see me acting like a bitch every time someone points it out.

I wouldn't expect anyone to still be reading at this point, but if you are out there, thanks for tuning into this episode of pathetically, lame, puerile and pitiful blogger battle. Thanks for being such a great sport, Bill Baer. And Jimmy Rollins: I'm coming to fuck you in the butt.


Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Club Beer Party Oyster Shuck Off 2008

Sorry to keep interrupting this action packed off season with all this non baseball related news and anecdotes, but I just wanted to brag about what a totally sweet Club Beer Party we had last Saturday.

Yeah, look at all that garbage. And is that the back right wheel of a 2005 Ford Focus I see? Oh yes we're awesome. And don't give me any shit about how puny that is compared to the party you had at college, with like, 50 pallets of nattty light and 4 trash cans of grain and how you totally fingerblasted that chick on the dance floor. Great, good for you, frat lord. We live in a neighborhood. You should see how this compares to the houses next door. When I was walking to my car this morning I saw one measly empty six pack of Sierra in the yuppie neighbors' driveway. I was so disgusted I spit in their garbage. Hah! that'll show them.

So anyway, the party was sweet. We shucked some oysters, drank some orange beers, played some Rock Band and, uh, um, and Jon Lovitz was there. Yeah, that's right, Lovitz. He was all funny and grinning creepily and he told some jokes and they were great! It was Lovitz all up in the CBP, baby. So suck me.

The point of all this is that cleaning up parties sucks shit. It smells and it's sticky and you're always finding something else of value to you that someone completely destroyed and failed to mention it to you. Thanks guys, I never liked that CD anyway!

There is one nice part of cleaning though, finding all those loose unopened beers. It's like an easter egg hunt. Sure, some of them are banged up and covered in filth and you end up pitching them anyway, but lots of time people bring a random sixer and only drink 5 or forget they brought a beer into the bathroom with them, and then, as your tossing all the plastic cups and beer boxes, you uncover a pristine bottle of Amstel, or a lonely forgotten Bud Heavy. Surprise! Found beer!

Delicious found beer.

Usually you can drink for the rest of the week on found beer without having to go to the store again. So it's kind of like you're still enjoying the same kick ass party that Lovitz showed up to many days later. And it's because of found beer that my life totally doesn't suck at all.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Atlanta Barfs - Needs and Luxuries

MLBTR does a great feature called Needs and Luxuries. Recently they covered the Atlanta Barfbagbuttholes, and while normally Tim Dierkes does an excellent job, he kind of messes up this one. GMDB has graciously swooped in to correct.

C - Brian McCann't
1B - Mark Teixeira
2B - Kelly (Tiny) Johnson
SS - Yunel Escobarf
3B - Larry Jones
LF - Matt Di-ass/Brandon Jones
CF - Josh Anderson/Jordan Schaf'er I hardly even know 'er
RF - Jeff Francunt

SP - John Doltz
SP - Tim Pudson
SP - Chuck Gaymes
SP - Jair Jurrjens/Jo-Jo Reyes/Mike Hampton/Jeff Bennett

Setup - Peter Moylan
Closer - Rafael Soriano


The braves have a gapping hole in center field, but not as gaping of a hole as the one between Larry Jone's legs. All the youngsters the Braves have to play CF currently suck horrible ass, because they are Braves, and all Braves suck ass. They also have some dickhead named Jeffrey Braden Francouer playing left who is 23 and has a 100 OPS+ in 2 and a half seasons. Francouer will never be better than mediocre and his name means 'taint-licker' in French

Mike Cameron seems like a great fit for these Braves, because likes to cheat and probably molests boys.

Frank Wren's bullpen will most likely fall apart so you can just right that piece of shit off and realize it will suck again this year. Plus their starting lineup consists of 3 rejects from a lemon party, Chuck James and his destiny of ordinary and Natalie Holloway's murderer. But besides that I don't see any other needs for this team, except for 3rd base because I'm going to chop Larry Jones' fucking head off. They're in very good shape to continue their reign of 3rd place.


The Braves have a a lot of really smelly players who often shit themselves in between innings. However I would not go as far as to call of bunch of shit stained buttwipes a luxury because no one else wants a team full of turds. After giving up all their prospects to get Teixeira, I also probably would not look to trade for a veteran starter or center fielder and further damage the farm system. However, the Braves were good in the 90's though, so any player under 30 will still annoyingly get hyped as a legit star, even though they haven't produced a decent player since John Smoltz (McCann notwithstanding because I am going to one day murder him as well).

To sum it up, the entire team should jump in front of a fucking bus.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

William Tecumseh Sherman was a great man

And so is GMDB reader Geoff H, who wrote us to tell us he just bought a new personalized jersey. And though my crappy MS Paint recreation surely can't do the real thing justice, Geoff's new replica is inspirational.

Yes we're talking about the motherfucker first modern general. I think 2008 is the year we party like it 1864.