Thursday, August 28, 2008

Hey everyone get ready to toally blow me

Still in first place, despite all the hardship and setbacks. And you know what they say when the going gets tough, right?


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Ultra Beatdown in store for the Phillies

Big two game series with the fucking fillies, but I'm confident the Mets are ready to administer an ULTRA BEATDOWN

The only standing in the way is the off chance that the Mets are distracted by MY DAUGHTER'S AWESOME ROCKING TITS.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Eat my crap Atlanta

Olympic Wrestling Tournament Nerdom = no posts, sorry faithful GMDBers (GMDBeers?). But in the last couple weeks or so the Mets have being doing well and atlanta has been sucking it the bone rod so maybe i should just my fucking mouth shut for the time being.

i'll try to get back on to the postings soon, as i'm also way behind on my Flushing University columns (it's a good thing i don't get paid for that otherwise i'd totally get fired). As a piece offering, here is the funniest photoshoped picture i've ever seen, from the Something Awful forums.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I made a poor decision last night

And now I'm paying for it.

No bullshitting today, just the facts. Olympic Pool Update:

Dog Eaters: 54
Fuggin Sluds: 53
John Basedow Olympic Club: 44
Penguin Power 36
Hajjis: 23

Pumpitude: Fear Factory

Conversation between Don Draper and a woman last night:
dd: i would like an apology
woman: no i dont think so
dd: yes i will have one
w: no you wont
dd: how about now?
w: oh my goodness whats going on?
dd: i dont know but my right hand is all wet
w: thats because its inside my pussy
dd: right. well, how about that apology then?
w: yes, that sounds fine
dd: great, then were all in agreement

My fucking head hurts and I have to go buy some coffee filters.

Friday, August 8, 2008

FYF: US Women's soccer team

I might as well say now that the next two weeks will most be filled with nothing but Summer Olympic posts but I'm assuming no one is going to care.

Anyways, fuck the Women's soccer team. back in 2007 Women's World Cup, their dumb ass of a head coach, Greg Ryan, decided to bench the best goalie in the world, hot piece of ace Hope Solo, during the semi final game against Brazil in favor of Brianna Scurry, based on the retarded reasoning that Scurry played an entirely different Brazil team well 3 years ago.

Unpredictably, the US lost and Scurry played like dog shit. Solo was like wise unpredictably furious and had the temerity to say so in a post game interview. Then the rest of her team got all PMS-y on her for 'putting herself before the team', egged on undoubtedly by the fucking retard of a coach Ryan so he would look less stupid for that retarded bit of tactics that blew up in his retarded face.

So now that the U.S. women's soccer team has decided that team harmony is more important than winning, I've decided that they don't deserve to win anymore. Fuck them and their stupid cry baby team of losers. I am glad Norway already beat their asses before the opening ceremonies. Boo to the US women's soccer team, Yea to all other women's soccer teams.

PS I don't mean for this to sound overtly misogynistic. In fact, I hate guys, I LOVE WOMEN!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Non baseball pablum: Olympic Gambling Pool

I think the Olympics are totally stupid. The instances of hypocrisy and bullshit are too numerous and tiresome to get into here, but I find the entire event quite distasteful. The whole jingoistic affair is huge turn off and I see no reason to throw my allegiances behind some previously unknown athletes merely because they were born within the same political boundaries as me or because NBC and their affiliated sponsors tell me to.

Thats why I relish the opportunity to gamble on them, and encourage everyone else to do the same. Gambling, as we all know, makes every sporting event better. And the best type of gambling involves a small sum of money that provides a monetary rooting interest in as many events as possible. That is why NCAA Tournament pools are so awesome. For $20 bucks I can now care about 33 basketball games that I would under other circumstances not give an underwater-pogo-sticking fuck about.

During each of the last summer and winter Olympiads, me and 4 of my friends have competed in an Olympic Team Pool, and even though it was an extremely slap dick operation, I can no longer imagine following future games without first throwing down 20 bucks on it.

The way it works is simple. We hold a snake draft where each player picks a country until all the participating National Olympic Committees (NOCs, ie participating countries) are taken and then for each medal a players' county earns, that player earns points, 3, 2 or 1 for gold, silver and bronze, respectively.

That's it. Pretty simple and it ensures that you'll have a rooting interest in nearly every event going on. A stupendous productivity killer if there ever was one.

You can read about the past 2004 Winter Olympic Pool we conducted on this old blog I used to write with my old college room mates here. Its a totally stupid blog, not at all unlike the one you're reading now.

Anyway, I'll be interrupting the regular GMDB news coverage with intermittent Olympic Pool news posts over the next two weeks. Wish me luck!

Monday, August 4, 2008

Hey honey, where are all the bags? In the bag hutch.

No shit.

So the Mets fucking suck again, thats great. Swept by the motherfucking Asstros. Ha ha, what fucking fun. Also Maine is on the DL because of his rotator cuff. Also my rotator cuff is still all fucked up and that fucking sucks, too.

You know, I'm not one to question God's ineffable plan, but you figure if He is this omnipotent being that would have been able to foresee the magnificent splendor that is the game of baseball, than maybe He, in his infinite fucking wisdom, might have been able to intelligently design a sturdier fucking bit of anatomy than the piece of shit rotator cuff that He came up with. But, y'know, not that I'm one to question His divine authority.

Oh, but what else? How about I wanted to get pumped to one of the greatest songs in the history of rock n roll that just happened to be featured at the end of the greatest show currently airing on television yesterday, but the only quality video on youtube is full cut scenes from some god damn piece of shit movie called Loser.


If it weren't for meatspinner I don't know how I'd go on living.

Friday, August 1, 2008

FYF Pumpitude twofer: Big Pud & Rambo edition

It's a shame when such a gritty, hustling dirtdog like Big Pud gets treated like this.

A shame because he should not have received even a modicum of the respect Manny Acta afforded this low life when he broke the news. A more suitable dismissal would have gone more like this:
Acta: Lo Duca, step into my office; because you're fuckin fired!
Big Pud [weeping]: I suck.
Luckily it doesn't take a lot of dough to impress 19 year old babysitters so Big Pud should still be rolling in the teenage snatch long into his permanent vacation. What a real piece of shit that guy is. Fuck you Paulie!

Now, to get pumped up for the weekend series against the Asstros (that gets funnier every time I type it!) I'm going to skip the heavy metal and include a timeless movie classic. Sly Stallone's 2008 release of Rambo got a lot of bad reviews. Oddly, the bad reviews made me want to watch more than than good reviews. Like this one:
The fourth and, amazingly, the most meat-headed adventure yet of the killing machine John Rambo can safely be recommended to people who hate intelligence and love exploding body parts.
Wow, that sounds like the perfect movie to me.

Say, who's that on the 5o cal machine gun? Uh oh, looks like- KA-BLAMMO!