Thursday, May 31, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
We have an infiltrator this season. Someone who has taken on the shape and form of a Met in order to circumvent our defenses and obliterate the organization from the universe. And this insidious threat is David Newhan.
Look, I know these Cylons and their tricks. It's all huggy-kissy when you first meet them in their sexy red dress and smokin hot body, but they're just using you to steal your secrets and exploit the holes in your system code to bring about your species' annihilation.
Thats Newhan's plan for the Mets!!!
You saw him show up to camp, indistinguishable from the rest of the team in his 'Mets' hat and 'Mets' uniform and then do nothing but shit the bed. Check out these numbers: .194/.326/.278!
You think thats just a slump and small sample size? Well how about this, -0.45 WPA!
We've got to take care of this robotic son of a bitch before it's too late.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Mets lead in the NL East down to 1.5 games heading into a 3-game-set in Florida. Duque vs. Sergio Mitre, Maine vs. Obermueller, Sosa vs. Olsen. Interestingly the Marlins were involved in a bizarre 11-inning walk-off win today, in which the benches cleared and Fredi Gonzalez was ejected. It's a short trip from Atlanta to Miami, so the Mets should be rested and the Marlins should be a little tired. Also the Mets miss Dontrelle in the rotation. Rory's prediction: METS SWEEP! Hopefully Willie has instituted a rule prohibiting late night taxi rides to Little Havana for Cuban food.
One final note- don't forget to vote for the Mets for this year's All-Star Game. Particularly vote for the following Mets who have ASG-selection bonuses in their contracts:
Duque- $50K (for ASG MVP)
Valentin- $25K for ASG appearance ($50K for ASG MVP)
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
WHERE DID THESE STUPID BASTARDS COME FROM
So I'm done. This shitty game is over and The Sopranos repeat awaits. Which reminds me, by the way, that Minaya must remember never to compromise in his search for more starting pitching or a replacement 2B. I should know, since being in the can for 20 years I had to make a lot of compromises. When I wanted to eat a steak dinner, I'd have to comprise and eat grilled cheese off the radiator. I'd wanna bone a woman, but I compromised and jerked off into a tissue. So yeah, I know about compromise.
1- An industrious VivaElBirdos reader has taken the time to come up with, what seems to me, to be an interesting statistic. Solanos, the reader, has looked at overall W-L record, W-L record immediately before a series and W-L record immediately after a series to derive "Challenge Rating" (basically a stepped-up strength of schedule type metric). You can head on over there yourselves to see the actual statistic and graphs (really interesting stuff). Although I'm still a firm believer in independent trials, therefore the fact that a team happened to be "hot" coming into a series doesn't mean they will continue to be "hot" during that series, the stat does seem to be an improvement over traditional strength of schedule.
2- ProjectProspect has updated their list of the Top 50 prospects in the game. The Mets entries are as follows: 17- OF Fernando Martinez (whose been out recently with a finger injury); 28- OF Carlos Gomez (who I think has been quite good at the major league level recently) and 49- P Phil Humber.
The Bravos have C/1B Jarrod "Don't Call Me Ralph" SaltalaMACCHIO at #14 and SS Elvis Andrus at #37. As for Saltalamacchia I understand a lot of teams have Saltalamacchia rated higher than McCann, but the Braves won't trade him. Therefore, particularly with Craig Wilson's release we should expect one of them to move to 1B permanently (ala Mike Jacobs/Josh Willingham)
Monday, May 21, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
The thing I'm most looking forward to this weekend: screaming to Jeter, "THIRD BEST SS IN NY!!" Now THAT will be sweet justice on a man who arrives late to backup a simple double-cut to home on a double to RF.
In terms of preview we've got Pettitte-Perez, Rasner-Glavine, Clippard-Maine. The Yankees come in a little cold, having lost 6 out of their last 10. Hopefully the Metropolitans can start off the series with a win tonight. Ollie's been pitching well all year (save his 4/11 start against Phi),
and there's no reason for Peterson's Grand Reclamation Train to run off course tonight.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
I'm a huge nitpicker, I realize, as everything Willie did worked out today and the Mets won in extremely exciting fashion. But down 5-2 with the bases loaded in the Bottom of the 9th you let Ruben Gotay hit?! With Reyes and Wright both on the bench?! REALLY?!?! Then you pinch hit for Green anyway against Scott Eyre?! REALLY?! AND LEAVE REYES ON THE BENCH ALL GAME?!?! As a side note Gotay and Newhan's ability to play SS and 2B, shouldn't be completely overlooked here. It's a nice little bonus that allows the manager more freedom to make substitutions and play with lineups, etc. Also- after the game on the SNY postgame chat with Willie, the manager noted that he "had a feeling" about Gotay getting a hit there. I'm just hoping he doesn't have a feeling about benching Reyes or lobbying to sign Jose Canseco, or pitching LoDuca tomorrow.
Or, maybe I'm just bitter that I gave away tickets because I had a bar review class...
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
1. Bobby Bonilla - in 1991 Bobby Bo became the highest paid player in baseball. Once joining the Mets, he quickly began to eat it. You think we've heard the last of him but guess again. Bonilla is scheduled to make $1.9M from the Mets in 2011. Oh, my bad, he's also scheduled to make $1.9M from the Mets for the next 25 YEARS AFTER THAT. That's right, from 2011 - 2035 Bobby Bonilla will be on the Mets payroll. Let's look forward to Keith Hernandez expressing his jealousy on the nightly broadcast during most games he calls during those years.
2. Mo Vaughn - Vaughn is special in that in '95 he won the AL MVP when Albert Joey Belle obviously should have won (.300/.388/.575/39/126 vs. Belle's .317/.401/.690/50/126). This opened Vaughn up to a new universe of being overpaid. Vaughn spent his newly found riches on an Overpay-Me-Bandwagon, which the Mets jumped on in 2002. From '02-04 Wilpon paid Vaughn $45.5M to hit a total of 29HR. Certainly not a good investment, but I'd like to focus on 2004, when it's well known that Vaughn was paid $17M and change to do ZERO. Not one game, not one at bat, not one plate appearance. For today, I will claim that this $17M is quite possibly the largest sum of money ever paid to anyone anywhere to do ZERO.
Know a better example of anyone in any field getting paid more money to do literally absolutely nothing? Let me know at email@example.com
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
ALL PIECES OF SHIT WHO GO TO PUBLIC MIDDLE SCHOOL IN NYC AND TREAT THE EXPERIENCE AS A MERE THEATRE TO PLAY OUT GANG VIOLENCE, UNDERAGE DRUG USE AND SEXUAL EXPERIENCES NEED TO BE STERILIZED. SINCE MY LAST POST, I HAVE CAUGHT PEOPLE: BASHING EACH OTHER WITH BED POSTS, BLOWING COKE YES COKE IN THE BATHROOM AND A SIXTH GRADER WAS TRAIN FUCKED BY SOME BLOODS IN THE PARK NEXT TO MY SCHOOL.
On to more important things, 20-12 is impressive and I think it is fair to say that we are in it. I still think that losing the two series to the Beavers is not ideal but we are beating up on the others. We got to go 4-2 or 5-1 against the Bronx pedophiles to be considered elite this year. The true test will come when the summer comes and their play is exciting enough to stop me spreading peanut butter on my nuts and having a goat lick it all up (pure ecstasy!!).
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
Happy 26th Birthday to the 2007 NL Cy Young Award Winner - John Maine.
For his 26th birthday tonight, Maine will inevitably do 27 ceremonial shots, and tomorrow come out and pitch 27 ceremonial strikeouts on 82 pitches (the 1 ball was a bad ump call).
First "Ortiz isn't 100 percent certain he hasn't taken steroids himself." WOW. Uhhh- I'm not sure whether I've ever been sodomized in a Mexican prison... but I mean taking steroids is a little different, right? RIGHT?
Second, "Count David Ortiz among those who isn't convinced Barry Bonds used illegal performance-enhancing drugs." UGH- is this a joke...? I'll just directly quote from the San Francisco Chronicle here (with a tip o'the cap to FJM):
Barry Bonds told a federal grand jury that he used a clear substance and a cream supplied by the Burlingame laboratory now enmeshed in a sports doping scandal, but he said he never thought they were steroids, The Chronicle has learned.
Federal prosecutors charge that the Bay Area Laboratory Co-operative, known as BALCO, distributed undetectable steroids to elite athletes in the form of a clear substance that was taken orally and a cream that was rubbed onto the body.
Bonds testified that he had received and used clear and cream substances from his personal strength trainer, Greg Anderson, during the 2003 baseball season but was told they were the nutritional supplement flaxseed oil and a rubbing balm for arthritis, according to a transcript of his testimony reviewed by The Chronicle.
Federal prosecutors confronted Bonds during his testimony on Dec. 4, 2003, with documents indicating he had used steroids and human growth hormone during a three-year assault on baseball's home run record, but the Giants star denied the allegations.
During the three-hour proceeding, two prosecutors presented Bonds with documents that allegedly detailed his use of a long list of drugs: human growth hormone, Depo-Testosterone, undetectable steroids known as "the cream" and "the clear," insulin and Clomid, a drug for female infertility sometimes used to enhance the effect of testosterone.
The documents, many with Bonds' name on them, are dated from 2001 through 2003. They include a laboratory test result that could reflect steroid use and what appeared to be schedules of drug use with billing information, prosecutors told the grand jury.
In a September 2003 raid on Anderson's Burlingame home, federal investigators seized documents they said showed Bonds was using banned drugs, according to court records. Anderson was indicted in February on charges of money laundering and conspiracy to distribute steroids in the BALCO case.
Your turn to respond, PAPI! The gauntlet has been thrown down:
BOOYAKASHA, PAPI! I'll be here waiting for your evidence. You can e-mail me at Rory.B.Bellows@BondsDidSteroids.com
Monday, May 7, 2007
The offense looks lackadaisical, lost, or injured. Oh well, at least we have JOHN F***ING MAINE. Also- a quick FU to Clemens.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Pretty gross, I know. It was a co-ed league so we could only convince girls to play on our team for at most, maybe half the season, tho I'm sure that had as much to do with us guys on the team being huge losers than just the logo in and of itself.
We lost just about every game we played, if not all of them but no one topped our logo. FUCKING NOBODY.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
The fun started at a trendy downtown happy hour where they serve $1.50 drafts in plastic cups. You can order them in multiples of eight called, 'buffets'. I was a little late arriving so I wasted no time digging in. One on my co-drinkers summed up my attack with the statement "I thought I was on a decent pace with the buffet until Dynamo showed up." God damn right.
Each beer quaffed at the bar was 5 bucks we didn't have to spend at RFK, so we missed the first inning or so getting our money's worth. We then bought the cheapest seats possible, but in this shit box (excuse me, shit donut) it's still a rip off.
So you'll have to indulge me now as I post a bunch of gratuitous pics I took of my friends, like these two pals here.
Some of these pics are also to prove that I hang out with live women.
You can't really tell in these pictures but we never stop drinking beer. Ever.
Thats sometime commenter RockYourFace on the right. He looks displeased but on the inside he is happy because he is watching Oliver Perez get out dueled by Matt Chico's bail bonds and he roots against the Mets whenever possible. He is a big jerk that way.
So the game ends and most people don't care but I am disgusted. I couldn't really tell you much about the game tho, because I could friggin see anything. Probably better that way. Anyway on to game two of the series.
See the difference? I snagged some corporate seats because I am a big shot titan of industry here in the District. Even got hooked up with the free buffet (real food this time) in the 'diamond club' section. The food was gross but I stuffed my face because it was free. The beers were not, however, so I took advantage of the fully stocked bar and pounded 2 jack and cokes before game time.
I'd say the stadium was 1/3 Mets fans. It looked like more at first but that is I think because most of the Mets fan were sporting their colors, while the Nats fans hadn't accumulated nearly as much team bling. I tried to capture the fan dynamic after something good happened for the Mets but all I had was my shitty, shitty camera phone so your best guess is as good as mine.
This is where the 1st best ump -what's his name again Rory?- tried to fuck us. Again, shitty, shitty camera phone, but that's Big Will doing his best tough guy impersonation.
Here are the Nationals' Brewers' Sasuage Race rip off. The big bit is Teddy Roosevelt acts like a big idiot every time and never EVER wins. Its actually pretty funny, especially if you're drunk.
So it's quite the pitchers duel and the Geezer comes up with some mega clutch hitting. We don't stay past the 10th inning because I am again with people who couldn't care less. I didn't mind leaving all that much because my feeling is if we blow it extra innings then I'd prefer not be around to see it, but if we do win, well then at least there is a silver lining.
And we did win, so I could ride the subway (effeminately called the Metro) home knowing we did our job. Plus there was a Club Beer Party waiting in my basement This is what Sunday morning looked like.
Theres quite a few more pics from the actual night but that's for a different blog (GO BEERS DIE LIVER?) Suffice to say I was not making it to the game Sunday at 1:05.
Thanks C-Belts, job well done. We win the rubber match and salvage adequacy from a potentially wretched series.
And yes, my TV rules and so do I.
First, in my defense and in the name of my cyber cred that I have been trying to build up over at Metsblog, my original comment was intended to point out that Metsblog does whatever it wants at the expense of lesser blogs, especially blogs about the butt hole braves. Second, Cerrone is putting his real name out there (*ahem*) and makes a living off his blog, and altho I don't know him, I'm sure any plagiarizing is accidental, as he would have far more to lose by ripping off someone else' idea than by any respect he would get from coming up with the idea to quote some stupid ass Chuck Klosterman passage about the difference between nemesi and arch-enemies.
I'm sure some metsblog reader saw the badbravesfan post on Deadspin and then passed it on to Cerrone with his thots, without referencing anything but the Klosterman quote, which then promoted Cerrone to make his post and commentary.
Anyway, I should probably stop pretending anyone is listening to whats going on in our corner of the blogosphere, but I will leave you with this thot: All fucking braves must fucking die.