Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Ghey-Rod to Shea-Rod?



Wow, A-Rod mania has already set in and its not even Novemeber. In fact, it's halloween, which is as good as an excuse as any post an EXCLUSIVE GMDB picture of A-Rod in an Optimus Prime costume. Well that and any mention of A-Rod will drive up internet traffic. It's true, even on this piece of shit. We still get hits from people googling for that Joslyn Morse man-woman we posted about months ago. That should be our motto: GMDB - come for the she-males, stay for the piss jokes.

My best halloween costume (since no one asked)? I wore a hospital gown and a wig. But also I had a naked baby doll attached to my waist with a fake umbilical cord and blood splattered all over myself and the baby. It's not an abortion! It's a celebration of life, dammit!!!

Monday, October 29, 2007

Buck Foston

Ok, so the Red Sox won the series and the Pats have sold their souls to some Aztec Deity in exchange for winning a few games. But let's look at some facts:

-Boston has one of the smallest and unimportant metro areas vis-a-vis other American cities.

-Their food fucking blows. Seriously, chowder. fucking white-n-wet poo poo chowder.

-The city lies in a region known as New England. Didn't fight two wars to break away from them.

-Ben Affleck.

-Stupid fucking assholes cannot pronouce their "R's"

Moreover, DC Chaz Waggle says that the waters there aren't nearly cold enough to keep him comfortable!

Friday, October 26, 2007

Big Pud's Halloween Costume


Actually this isn't Paul Lo Duca's costume, this is a view into my crystal ball that can see 5 months into the future when The Duke is an unemployed homeless bum because no one wants to sign his stupid ass to whine and moan and hit 87 OPS+ for the year like a stupid jack ass and he has also blown all of his money on horsies and 19 year old prostitutes so now he lives on the street and east rat burgers for dinner like the rebels from Demolition Man that elected Dennis Leary as their leader because they are all stupid morons just like Paul Big Fat Fucking Pud Lo Duca.

Judging from this tremendous article from HBT, however, the Mets are in all likelihood screwed at catcher next year no matter what they do. No good free agents and nothing on the farm. So trade for a Ramon Hernandez? Eh, considering everybody who doesn't employ Russell Martin or Brian McCann will be screwed in the NL as well, I'd say just go with Castro and figure something out later. We won't be at a huge disadvantage and then we can at least say we gave Castro a legit shot.

Just as long as that stupid asshole isn't back, that stupid jerk of a scumbag.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Eww

The Red Sox are celebrating their AL pennant. Gross.

NSFW

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Alls they know is killin in white uniforms

Not to be the last mets blogger this side of blogland to no-tice, but Baseball Prospectus' Steven Goldman mentioned the Mets in his latest online chat. More importantly, he worked in a Star Wars reference.

Quoth Goldman: "Gomez is a pinch-runner. He's never going to hit well enough to play despite the fact that his legs make him capable of making the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs."

To which I replied: "But can he bulls-eye a womp rat back home in his T-16?"

That reminds me of the time I was chatting it up with some Storm Trooper.

Haha! What fun!

So anybody else notice what a fucking moron Tim McCarver is? Yes, many people. What a fucking nincompoop! Why, he's a regular Jar Jar Binks!

Monday, October 15, 2007

Schuerholz, buttholes, whats the difference?

Only when Bobby Cox's cold dead body is in the ground will the Braves that terrorized the NL East lo so many years be unrecognizable, but this is a decent start. Schuerholz is the latest to bite the dust, and perhaps the most important cog in the Mets killing machine to be shut down. When A Jones bolts for Bora$ money this off season, Smoltz retires and Larry Jones' AIDs finally mutates into a strain to which modern science has nothing to combat it with we will finally be down to Cox' withered husk of flesh. Oh the parties I need to start planning for.

In other news that we are later to getting to than Bridget Moynahan's period after she got dumped by Tom Brady (even the jokes are old, LOL), Dusty Baker is the new Reds manager. This is good news for two reasons. 1) no longer having to listen to baker's stupid blather during Baseball Tonight and 2) if the Reds' front office is stupid enough to hire Baker maybe they are also stupid enough not to pick up Adam's Dunn $13m club option for '08.

Is Dunn a perfect fit for the Mets? No. Can he fucking mash? Yes. If you can get him, do it. Figure out the details later. The only draw back to getting Dunn is it makes Alou expandable and that means less urine jokes. Looks like someone else had better step it up start pissing themselves.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Blechstein??? REALLY???

OMG Metsblog ur killing me.


I do not want to see this miserable little jagov near the Mets next year. If Omar signs him I will heckle him every game. I do not care if he will be wearing a Mets uniform. This is where I draw the line.

Oh but he can hit in the 2 hole and has grit and hustle and blah blah fucking blah.

FUCK YOU AND THE FUCKING 2 HOLE.

the second spot in the line up is not some excuse to put your shittiest hitter high up in the line to reward him for sprinting to first after walks. FUCK THAT SHIT.

Obligatory FJM link because they crush tiny stupid asshole eckstein way better than even I, the insult master.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Paul Lo Duca wants to stay a Met

Paul Lo Duca has gone on the record and stated that he wants to resign with the Mets and remain their starting catcher in 2008. Big Pud recently had a conversation with Mets GM Omar Minaya about the possibility of returning and GMDB has the exclusive transcript of that dialog.

Omar Minya: Hello Paul.

Big Pud: Hello Omar.

OM: I understand you would like us to resign you to a new contract.

BP: Thats right.

OM: Why would we want to do that?

BP: Because I represent all the great qualities in a man that Mets fans admire.

OM: Such as?

BP: I'm a native Brooklynite for one.

OM: Well you were born in Brooklyn, but didn't you grow up and go to college in Arizona?

BP: Well, sure I moved to Glendale when I was very young, but I was still born here in New York.

OM: That's stupid, but OK, what else?

BP: I love horses.

OM: You mean you are an inveterate gambler who started betting at the track when you were in middle school?

BP: More like 4th grade.

OM: Fantastic, what else.

BP: I love the New York nightlife! And I love the ladies, yeah!

OM: You mean you married a playboy model as soon as you made the majors who then turned out to be a shrew so you conducted a unending series of adulterous affairs including one with a teenager who bragged about it on her MySpace page?

BP: Thats right, I'm banging playmates and teen hottties! Who wouldn't want that life?

OM: Anyone with a soul or a rational fear of STDs. So now that we've established that you're a despicable human, tell me what you bring to the table in terms of baseball production.

BP: I never strike out. Can't strike out PLD, like ever! I only make 'productive' outs!

OM: Except for all the double plays you hit in, which are far worse than strike outs. In fact according to my numbers, you hit ground balls 95% of your total plate appearances. Also your VORP blows.

BP: Sorry, I didn't realize you were looking for a computer to play catcher for you. Look, I've got grit and hustle and VERVE! What do you think wins championships?

OM: I'm not going to get into this with you because clearly you are a moron. I'm going to give you one last shot to prove to me that you deserve to wear the orange and blue next year, and no temper tantrums.

BP: Fine, you want me to use my trump card, well how about this: I'm ITALIAN.

OM: Yes, I see. While that may get you a free pass with your average Joe pisan, that shit won't fly with me. First of all, fuck your cheap, pandering race baiting. Second, Lo Duca is a name associated with Northern Italy. Most Italian-Americans in the New York metropolitan area are from Southern Italy, specifically Sicily or Naples. And while technically the Cisalpine, Sicilian and Neopolitan peoples currently share the same geo-political nation state, historically the regions were separated by a distinct culture, language and heritage. As different as Portugal and France. In fact there is still strong resentment in the South of the North's long history of discrimination and injustice that helped create the permanent underclass of the mezzogiorno. So any perceived connection between you and the typical Italian American Mets fan is farcical.

BP: I have no idea what you're saying, man.

OM: How about this. You're fucking fired.

BP: But Omar! What will I do? Where will I go? Who will give me a job?

OM: Frankly, Paulie, I don't give a shit.

Our GMDB exclusive doesn't end there. We recently sat down with PLD ourselves and got his thoughts about a number of topics. His provocative and perhaps controversial responses can be found below.

Paul Lo Duca on going to the racetrack

Paul Lo Duca on the NYC singles scene

Paul Lo Duca on his Italian heritage


Paul Lo Duca on Latinos in baseball

Paul Lo Duca on Internet bloggers

Monday, October 1, 2007

Later Baters

It seems we've misplaced the punctuation for the name of our site. Apparently this is how it should read:

Go! Mets Die...Braves?

Phillies celebrate divisional championship

Just found these pictures of the Phillies celebrating their first divisional championship since 1993. It sucks it couldnt be the Mets doing the celebrating. The Phillies get really into it in the clubhouse though so be forewarned that these are not safe for work.

Enjoy the shadenfreude a-holes

If we're going to dish it we may as well get used to taking it. So yeah, we fucking suck. 2nd biggest collapse ever.

Good luck Rollins, you piece of shit. I hope you fall into a pit of lava on your way home. Drown in piss and die.