Saturday, February 21, 2009


I have nothing to add except that if Marlon Anderson takes too many at bats this year I'm going to push for him to be also known as the Assmaster. For Marlon Anderson does indeed master that ass.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Carlos Beltran is going to kill Cole Hamels. LITERALLY

It's super boring spring training time, which means it's time to trot out the lazy sportswriters hackneyed dip shit mailing-it-in storyfest. You might remember past hits such as "You're favorite shitty player is in the best shape of his life"! and "lame ass taunt of rival team taken lamely out of context"!

What makes Beltrans's comment noteworthy and so much better than the miserable "team to beat" bullshit asshole Jimmy Rollins started 2 fucking years ago is that he said he hopes the Mets kill Cole Hamels. LITERALLY THATS WHAT HE SAID. Carlos Beltran wants Cole Hamels to die and he wants the Mets to kill him.

Recognize muthafucka.

Cole "Fart Ham" Hamels' wife was also in the news recently when she stated "When I was five years old—I grew up in a very rural town in Missouri, and I had never even seen a black person—they asked us to draw a picture of ourselves in the future, and I drew myself holding hands with a line of tiny black stick figures. I've always wanted this."
Good job, Cole. You really know how to pick the ignorant, anorexic, dumbass, attention whores. Have fun with your brood of aids'ed up african orphans, Hamels family. God, want a couple of dumb fucks.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

shut up, turds

ooooooh, A-Rod used steroids. well who the fuck didn't? why is anyone still pretending like people care if baseball players used steroids in the 90's and 00's WHEN THE DIDN'T FUCKING TEST FOR IT?

So far the only people I can tell who are upset are boring sports writers. I mean these people are so boring, it's really no surprise newspaper's are fucked. Here is some boring piece of crap I read in the Washington Post today. Hey dude, shut up.

Oh look, stupid Boswell wants to give his boring opinion too. Hey, Boswell, check this out: shut up.

Oh and hey boring writers, every chug caffeinated beverages to help stay up late so you could hand in one of your boring ass stories? Oh you have? Wonderful, now fucking enough about stupid a-rod and god damn steroids.


Oh and to answer Phillysucks' question about who would I rather eat dinner with, Big Pud or Shane Victorino, provided that bodily harm to either party is strickly prohibited, I believe I would pick Big Pud. I would pretend like I was Big Pud's friend and then I would go to bars with him and cock block him all night long.

Say, all of that reminds me, by the way, that Philadelphia is a festing bowl of dog snot. Do you think they would make a movie about AIDS and call it New York? No, no they wouldn't.