I hate Larry Jones, the chunkheaded goobag who plays for the Braves. I haven't seen him play since back in 81 or 82 or whenever, because every game played after that has been dumb as hell. I figured out a foolproof way to get a free ticket into the stadium though, I thought of it a couple nights ago when I was looking for my car keys in the toilet. Here's what you do, you get a fake cast and put your arm in it to make it look like you're some pansy ass sissy who broke his arm in a slapfight with the black guy from Designing Women. Then you put a motorcycle helmet on and bring a copy of the local newspaper from a month ago. Walk up to the ticket counter and ask for a ticket to some game that was played a few weeks ago. They'll tell you that game is over, and then you say "but it says they're playing right now in the paper!" Then, when they lean forward to look at the paper, you grab them by the skull and beat their head against the counter until they die. Then you go watch the game and if it sucks then you hunt down the manager and tell him his wife sucks in bed.