Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Anon Mets 'pen: thou doth clutch a towering equine pizzle and sucketh it, verily

And what I mean by that is the Mets' bullpen sucks huge horse cock.

What the fuck man, I know it's early but if I have no patience for this bullshit. If anyone was to blame for the collapse last year, it was the bullpen, and we're not even out of April yet before these bozos decide it's time to break out the straws and start the suckfest. An all day, all night sucking suck party that will suck your shit straight to hell (whatever that means).

Heilman: IP 12.2 - ERA 4.97 - WHIP 1.42 - grade:
Sosa: IP 13.2 - ERA 7.24 - WHIP 1.68 - grade:

Here's my impressions of Sosa and Heilman having a little pow wow on the mound in the middle of a game:

Sosa: Hey Aaron, how's it going?
Heilman: Pretty good, Jorge, pretty good.
Sosa: So, what are you up to?
Heilman: Oh just taking a piss.
Sosa: Yeah me too, I'm just taking a big long steamy piss all over the field.
Heilman: Hey, you ever think about, I dunno, like, actually pitching, or something like that?
Sosa: No, I'm pretty much just going to take a piss.
Heilman: Hah, yeah me too, just pissin'. I was joking before. Nothing but piss from me.
Sosa: Yeah, piss it up.
Heilman: I love taking a piss on game day.
Sosa: Piss that game away.
Heilman: Piss, piss, piss.
Sosa: Love to take a piss.
Heilman: Hey, Jorge.
Sosa: Yes, Aaron?
Heilman: I guess that makes us, piss pals!

Fucking assholes. Get your shit together.

I was going to save this video for when Alou returned (because if you didn't already know, Alou like to PISS on his HANDS!!!) but I love piss jokes more than life and can't wait that long.

My favorite part is when you think the piss is over but then he farts and ITS NOT OVER!!!!

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