So while most of this off season has been rather doo doo, Omar made a nifty little move just now by signing Matt Wise, a pretty decent reliever for 1 year/$1.2 million. And as Eric Simon pointed out in the preceding link (what, you didn't click yet you lazy son of a bitch?) We basically traded 34 year old (Guillermo Mota) with a career ERA+ of 107, for a 32 year year old (Matt Wise) also with a career ERA+ of 107 AND saved over a million bucks.
Building a quality bullpen without committing multiple years to steroid abusers, are we now? Great fucking idea, Omar. Glad to see you decided to step up and act like a GM again.
I guess there is some concern about Wise falling apart last year after he crushed Pedro Lopez' (who?) face with a fast ball back in July, but I actually consider that a plus. This guy sounds like a bad ass to me. A real killer. We need more guys like Matt Wise and his insatiable lust for murder on this team.
Guys like BLOOD FEAST ISLAND MAN
That reminds me of a story.
So I was headed over to my speaking engagement at the local Junior League when I realized I was still carrying my boom box with me from the night before. It was a noon meeting and after tea I was due up. Instead of the lecture I prepared on Transcendentalist Allusions in 20th Century Sequential Art, I just broke out the boom box and started singing along. After each song I would turn up the music a little louder and bang my head a little harder - my boom box only contains the heaviest of metal. The audience was enthralled.
The ultimate track was also the loudest. It's chorus left no Junior Leaguer unmoistened.
For her lust, shell burn in hell
Her soul done, medium well
All through mass manual stimulation
I left the track on repeat and continued...
...until it truly was...
A HEAVY METAL LUNCHEON