Monday, December 24, 2007

More Non-baseball pablum: Loki and Puck

Loki: Many years ago I convinced Thor of the Aesir that the reason for his impotence was that he was pregnant.

Puck: Pregnant?

Loki: Mm. He's not very bright.

And I told him to lie face down and naked on his sleeping furs until I came and delivered him of child.

P: And he listened to you?

L: I was disguised as a wandering physician. And, as I said, he's-

P: Not very very bright?

L: Exactly.

So I fed him a gallon of castor oil, pained his arse blue and shoved a cork in his bum-hole.

P: Why?

L: Because it amused me to do so. I told him it was the cure of his condition. Then I went off to sleep with his wife.

P: Ho Hoh!

L: She wasn't much of a lay. But it amused me to know it would destroy him if he ever found out.

So Thor is lying down with a cork up his fundament for a week and a day, while his insides continue to rumble their course.

And now he's got a pain in his gut like you wouldn't believe, as the pressure continues to build...

I'd told him he might experience some pain. That it was common in pregnancy.

Suddenly, into the room, through the open window, boundsRatatosk, the squirrel who lives in the branches of the World Tree.

Ratatosk is curious as any little squirrel.

And he climbs on top of Thor's straining buttocks and he - pulls out the cork.


It's an explosion - eight days' worth of oiled shit thunders forth from the fundament of the Lord of Storms.

And the mighty Thor sits up, and looks around, and sees Ratatosk on the ground, stunned, glassed, befouled.

And slowly, with hands as big as ham hocks, he picks up the little animal, and stares at it.

And then, with one ponderous motion, he clasps it into his bosom.

"You're ugly," he says, "you're hairy and you're covered in shit. But you're mine, and I love you!"

Puck and Loki: Heehehehehehehehahahahehehahehehahe!

The end

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