Wednesday, June 13, 2007

A Mets SI cover retrospective

It used to be that the Mets were a bunch of bad asses and Sports Illustrated used to put these bad asses on the cover of their 'zine to show to the world just how much ass we kicked.

Look at Doc. He is like 16 in this picture and he could throw this ball right thru your face.

Darryl is rampaging bad ass using either criterion, drugs or baseball, alone.

Not only did Ron Darling sport cleated Roos but he also comprises the second half of my collection of Met faux 87 Topps baseball card school folder collection. The other half is pictured on the blog side bar.

If you'll notice, all 3 of these covers were from the 80's and they all feature bad ass action shots of bad ass mets beating asses. Then the 90's happen and for some reason no one wanted to put Butch Huskey or Lance Johnson or Dave Mlicki on the cover. So flash forward to 2000 and this turd bubbles up.

A lame ass studio shot of a bunch of dorks. I kind of liked Fonzi but look who else we got. Rey Rey, Olerud (in his fucking batting helmet for chrissake) and Robin "I-get pummeled-by-a-50-year-old-Nolan Ryan" Ventura. And let me answer to the rhetorical question posed on the cover, SI. No, you assholes.

Now we skip 6 years to when we get good again and the SI editors treat us with this:

Another dumb ass studio shot of goofy looking mets. Whats really annoying is these guys really are bad asses. Except Lo Duca or Capt. Red Ass or Big Pud or whatever he wants to call himself. Seriously, LOOK AT HIM. I just want to give him the biggest dead arm. So thanks for the tour of Rip City, Tom Verducci, I can't wait to never go back.

And I guess the retarded family photo was a big hit because tomorrow, SI subscibers will be enjoying round 2.

What the fuck man. The only positive I can say about this photo is at least they ditched the black hats with the blue brims. I can't wait to read just how unlikely it was that Omar Minaya paid brown people to play baseball for him. Oh wait, Minaya's brown too??? Holy shit, this must be the MOST unlikely story in baseball. Throw in John Maine and we got the fucking U.N. Fantastic. Melt my fucking pot Sports Illustrated. Just fucking melt it all over me.

Fuck this. I blame the slump retroactively on the SI cover curse. Fuck SI and fuck their curse.

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