Comic Relief

So I was at an Alan Shemper comedy show in the Catskills and Shemper started riffing on Julio "Nebuchadnezzar" Franco. It was pretty hilarious. You can read it below and hopefully it'll brighten your day as it did mine and you'll put the Drano cocktail back in the fridge to save for later.

"Julio Franco is so old, for breakfast he used to eat pterodactyl eggs and raptor bacon."

"Julio Franco didn't have pianos because it was so long ago... he had harpsicords, and his DJ was Johann Sebastian Bach!"

"When Julio Franco was a kid, his favorite activity was always arts and crafts. Or, as we used to call it: arts and farts and crafts. He used to make drawings... cave drawings! (Which is my way of saying he was a cave man)"

"Julio Franco is so old, he can remember saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones' and meaning it!"

"Julio Franco's first best friend hadn't fully evolved yet! His name was Ug and he walked on all fours!"

"There were two epidemics when Julio Franco first made the majors: head lice, and the plague - the Bubonic plague!"

"Julio Franco started playing baseball so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was his first coach!"

"Julio Franco started playing baseball so long ago, that it was the Stone Age. No, but seriously, it wasn't the stone age... it was the Ice Age! No, really, it was the Stone Age. "