Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Entourage Episode 2: It Feels Good to Be Back on Top

Eric pulls up to a LA mansion in his Maserati sports car. Vince coolly walks out of the house, hugs a fine ass babe, puts on sunglasses, waves and gets in Eric's car.

E: Looks like last night was a success.

V: I would call it a success, yes.

E: Such a success that you'll ever call this girl again?

V: Cassandra? Hmmm... probably not.

E: Unbelievable.

V: Well what about your new girl, did you two have a success while I was gone?

E: You mean fuck her? I don't need to fuck Bethany for it to be a success, Vince.

V: That's my boy, E, without you, who would keep romance alive.

E: Certainly not you. But listen, we need to talk more about Thundercats.

V: Do we really? E, I just spent all day clearing my head, the last thing I want to do is cloud it up by discussing a movie about talking cats.

E: Well Ari has been driving me batshit calling about it. If you don't do Thundercats you need to do something.

V: You know what I want to do? Get Medellin distribution.

E: Allright, if I talk to Ari about Medellin will you at least read the Thundercats script.

V: Sure E, whatever you say.

E: Great, I'll call Ari as soon as we get back.

The scene shift to Drama and Turtle walking down a trendy Hollywood boulevard.

T: So you're going to make me get a rub and tug alone, Drama?

D: Sorry Turtle, now that I'm on a primetime network program I can't risk getting caught on camera coming out of one of those places.

T: Like anyone gives a shit who jerks you off.

D: Regardless Turtle, I'm getting my next piece of ass the old fashion way.

T: Fine, then comes with me to the bar and help me pick up chicks.

D: You really want to go to a singles bar, Turtle? Singles bars are so... desperate.

T: I am desperate, Drama!

D: God, you must be. All right, Turtle, I will do everything in my power to help you get laid tonight.

T: Thank you.

D: Nah, you know what bro, we're doing more than just taking some home some one night stand, we're going for the holy grail of hook ups.

T: Now you're talking.

D: Turtle, today, we will be having threesomes!

Turtle and Drama high five.

The action moves to Eric pacing the house waiting for Ari to answer.

A: Eric, what the fuck is up? And don't say your diminutive Irish prick, because Lloyd is already fully turgid, any more excitement and his going to ruin his new iMac that I just bought the whole office.

L: Ari, leave poor Eric alone!

E: I called to talk about Medellin, Ari.

A: Holy shit you must have read my mind, I was about to bring up Medellin. I though leprechauns just hoarded pots of gold at the end of rainbows, I didn't know they had ESP too. Have you been banging Miss Cleo, Eric?

E: Will you shut the fuck up and just say whatever is it is you've got to say about Medellin?

A: How about you and Vince get dressed up and meet me tonight at the new fancy Pan-Asian cuisine restaurant so you can meet our new bankroll.

E: We got funding or Medellin? That's great news.

A: Not just yet, E, that's what dinner is for, so don't ruin your appetite.

Ari hangs up and turns to Lloyd: All right Lloyd, get me those reservations. And not at the places you like to go, my leather pants and ball gag haven't come back from the try cleaners.

L: You are going to get yourself into a heap of trouble with that talk one of these days, Ari Gold.

A: Oh, Lloyd, this would be so less fun if you were black.

It is now later at night and Vince and Eric walk into the fancy restaurant to meet Vince, who is sitting with an older gentleman.

A: Boys, come here, I want to introduce you to the man of the hour, Mr. Don Helmut.

DH: Vince! I'm a huge fan!

V: Don, pleasure to meet you.

E: Hi Don, I'm Eric Murphy.

DH: Eric! Vince! Boys! Let me ask you, have you guys ever been down on your luck?

E: Well I wouldn't say we've had bad luck but we certainly went through pretty tough time while shooting this movie.

V: Of course it was all a labor of love.

DH: Well if you've ever been done before, let me tell you, IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK ON TOP!

A: Hear, hear!

E: Does that mean you want to fund Medellin and give us distribution?

DH: Listen boys, I used to be the biggest swinging dick in all of Hollywood during the 70's and 80's. But then I hit a rough patch and fell on hard times. Lots of coke, lots of hookers, a few snuff films. It wasn't pretty. But NOW I'M BACK BABY. And I want you to be part of the winning team!

A: Don's back in business and all in with Medellin. So, I'd say we have ourselves a deal.

E: Uh, yeah, I think we got ourselves a deal.

DH: Vince, do you want to be back on top?

V: I'm all in too, Don.

DH: That's what I wanted to here, of course you want to be back on top. It's fucking great at the top. Now let me ask you this, who's better than us? WHO'S FUCKING BETTER THAN US?

A: No one Don, absolutely no one, thats who.


Eric, Vince, Ari and Don Helmut all raise their glasses to toast being number one again.

We now join Turtle and Drama again, who are both at a hot singles bar talking to four hot babes.

D: That's right ladies, my network TV show just got picked up for a second season, so you're going to be seeing a lot more of me this coming year.

All the hot babes giggle.

T: And I'm Vincent Chase's right hand man. Which means I hang with Vince, I smoke weed with Vince, eat with Vince, rip bong hits with Vince, drive with Vince, burn dank nugs with Vince.

The babes all giggle some more.

Drama pulls Turtle aside and says: I think we got this in the bag, bro. What did I tell you?

T: Two for me and two for you. Nothing stopping us from reaching the holy grail of hook ups now.

But then, out of no where, Justin Timberlake walks into the bar.

All the babes scream: JT!!!!

JT steps in and slaps five with Drama and Turtle as he moves into the babes.

D: Yeah, Justin, how ya been? Haven't seen you since that MTV awards after party.

JT: Drama, how are you my man?

Drama pulls JT aside: Listen bro, me and my boy here were working a little threesome action each for our selves here. But seeing as you're also one of my bros, there's no need to get greedy, there's plenty of ladies to go around.

JT: Drama, come on, like I really need to have another threesome? Please.

Drama and Turtle relax as it no looks like there will be at least one babe for each of them.

JT: But what I'd really like to do is have a foursome. You, you, and you, come one, lets go bring sexy back.

Turtle and Drama see their hopes dashed as JT leads three of the hot babes aay leaving just one remaining. The babe, dejected that she didn't get picked by JT then looks at both Turtle and Drama and gives a 'whatever' smile.

T: Of all the friggin people to show up.

D: Can it Turtle, I told you we'd be having a threesome tonight so lets go.

Drama grabs the remaining babe's hand and motions to Turtle.

T: Again? Fine, just don't look me in the eyes this time, Drama.

D: I know how this works Turtle just stay cool.

Turtle rolls his eyes and says: Come on honey, lemme show you where Vince takes his dump.

He then says aside to Drama: I call the back this time.

D: You had the back last time, thats not fair!

T: Yeah but I called it.

And the two continue to argue as they exit the bar for their MMF threesome.

The End.

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