It's been a busy football season (fuck you eagles), so I had kinda forgotten that this total piece of shit spurned the Mets in free agency to sign with the Fart-lanta Barfos.
Derek Lowe is a real son of a bitch, though he is also a pretty good pitcher and would have helped the Mets, who are, as of right now, counting on former Washington National superstar Tim Redding Rainbow/Railroad to hold down the number 4 slot in the rotation. Omar gave decent pursuit but didn't put up enough of the Wilpon's cold hard cash to woo Lowe away from the bright lights of Slutlanta, Whoregia, and the heaps of Liberty Media Corporation money thrown at him.
Good, fuck you, Derek Lowe. Have fun in stupid Fulton County you adulterous jackoff. Lowe really is an adulterer too. He was previously married to some poor woman named Trinka (yes, Trinka), who fathered two of his children. Here is a picture of the happy couple.
Lowe was unfortunately unable to keep his affair with worthless sideline "reporter" Carolyn Hughes a secret so Trinka divorced him and Lowe and Hughes got married. It's all there in his god damn wikipedia page. What treacherous swine.
Here's to hoping Lowe gets rocked in the nuts during batting practice so he can't infect the world with anymore of his defective genes. Derek Lowe, trashdick extraordinaire.