It's F You Friday!

Happy Leap Day and GMDB's premier of F You Friday. Hopefully I will remember to make a new F You post every Friday afternoon, which will consist of me telling someone who deserves it to f off.

Today, it's who else, The Glav-Dawg.

Tom Glavine is a stupid asshole and I want to get his 'f you' out of the way so I can enjoy the impending start if the season. Glavine put together 4 decent years for the Mets after coming over form the darkside, but it was clear his heart was never in it. And just when it looks like he was finally warming up to New York with his 300th win and totally hot wife, he blows it by tanking the final game of the year, and then resigning with Darth Schuerholz and the stupid Braves. God riddence dickhead.

Here's what I hope happens to Glavine in the near future.

Figuratively, of course.

Anyway, I'm done with you now Glavine. I will enjoy the Schadenfreude when you suck but otherwise you shan't occupy another moment of my valuable time. Jerk.

Please feel free to pass along any suggestions and disagreements for consideration in future installments in F You Friday.

NL EAST PREVIEW: REAL ANALYSIS!!!!

And by real analysis I mean regurgitating what I just looked up on Baseball Prospectus. Hey, you get what you pay for at GMDB.

GO METS
team record: 95-67 1st place
Combined offensive VORP: 250
Combined pitching VORP: 155

Notes: Castro's 13 VORP will hep when he subs for defensive specialists and below average batsman Brian Schneider's 5. If Delgado and Castillo can produce averagely at the plate and everyone stays healthy then the Mets will have a very potent offense, as there are no glaring holes. The problem I see, however, is depth, as last year demonstrated that this is a team that will spend a lot of time on the DL. If people like Alou and Beltran need DL stints I'm not convinced the likes of Damian Easley, Marlon Anderson and Angel Pagan will be able to carry the team in their absence.

Pitching looks strong, and improved from last year, especially the bullpen, which is not factored in the team pitching VORP. Duaner Sanchez, if he comes back healthy, Pedro Feliciano and Aaron Heilman are as good a group of set up guys as any. I'm more concerned with starting pitching, which also has depth problems. Even with Pelfrey and El Duque battling for 5th spot, I'd still be worried about everyone staying healthy. Moreover, Perez and Maine have yet to prove they can be counted on for 200 quality innings a season. I DO NOT want to see Brian Lawrence or Chan Ho god damn Park taking the hill this year.

STUPID PHILLIES
team record: 85-77 2nd place
Combined offensive VORP: 225
Combined pitching VORP: 130

Notes: I was surprised to see the Phillies offense that much lower than the Mets, but Pedro Feliz is a huge blackhole at third. He and starting CF Shane Victorino only provide 23 VORP combined, where as D Wright projects 70 alone (second in the majors only to Pujols). Also the Phils' big three of Howard, Rollins and Utely are projected to have 140 VOPR this year, while Belty, Jose and the Golden One are looking at 162. Overall, the Mets just have a better offense (hey, I call it like I see it). The difference in projected runs scored between the two teams must then be attributed to park effects.

As for pitching, Hamels looks like hes going to be a beast, but beyond that there is not much to write about. It will be a solid staff, but Jamie Moyers looks to be their third best pitcher and he is literally 4,000 years old. Hey, he should have forged his birth certificate like El Duque if he wanted more credibility at this age. Also, Brad Lidge is the closer. Yikes.

DIE BRAVES
Team record: 84-78 3rd place
Combined offensive VORP: 230
Combined pitching VORP: 110

Notes: This collection of buttheads actuallys looks to be very decent at the plate this year. Yunel Escobar (SS), Kelly Johnson (2B), and Brian McCann (C) are all young and look to add 22 - 37 VORP. You'd think the Bravos would also be able to improve in center, after Andruw Jones' miserable year, but alas, Mark Kotsay is a essentially worthless with a projected 4 VORP. Mark Teixeira is good. The Mets should sign him next year.

Perpetual pain in the ass, John Smotlz is still pitching and is still excellent. No one else is either great or terrible except for our favorite ex-Met, Tommy Glavine. Oh no, how will the Mets replace their former staff ace next year? Oh, I don't know, how about with ANY OTHER PLAYER IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES RIGHT NOW???? Glav-dawg's VORP is projected to be 3 next year. He blows. And is a jagov.

FLARADUH MARLINS
Team record: 74-88 4th place
Combined offensive VORP: 195
Combined pitching VORP: 60

Notes: Hanely Ramirez (with a sick 65 projected VORP) and a bunch of dog shit. I mean really, no one else. I couldn't believe they're projected to finish ahead of the the Nationals after shipping Cabrera and Willis out of the league but I guess there is still enough leftovers to make a half way decent team.

Anyway, this team bores me and they have no fans. I'm moving on.

WASHINGTON NADS
Team record: 73-89 5th place
Combined offensive VORP: 165
Combined pitching VORP: 45

Notes: I'll be honest - I'm looking forward to seeing the Nats play this year. Sure, their team is mostly crap (Zimmerman and his 43 VORP excepted), but look at this roster: Blastings Thrilledge, Willy Mo Pena, 'You dead dawg I aint bullshittin you', Mini-ManRam, Meat Hook, I mean whats not to like? Oh, well yes, Big Pud is there, but that just means I have someone to boo now that Bowden swindled Omar into taking their two most annoying players. Thanks a lot, Omar.

The Nats pitching, however, is absolute garbage. John Lannan is projected to be their number 3 starter with a -13 VORP. Yes, NEGATIVE. If you thought it was ugly in cavernous RFK, what until this year. Woof.


So a little more thoughtful than last year's. The total VORPs are more estimates as I rounded while adding them up, bu I think its mostly alright. Feel free to bitch about everything I've just said. I enjoy a good debate. In fact, some would call me a master debater (haHAH!) It was all rather tedious though. I don't think I'll be doing much more of this 'analysis' in the future. So you just keep your statistics and leave me alone, NERDS!

Yadier Molina is a son of a son of a bitch

Went to Will Leitch's book signing in Georgetown last Thursday (yes, last Thursday, timeliness is not the hallmark of GMDB). Leitch was entertaining for the most part, except for when re-enacted the interview he did using members from the audience (which was comprised of 90% dork, my self included). That was painful. It's tough to give the appearance a fair review, though, because I was so god damn hungry the entire time and all I could think about was getting a grilled panini and pastry from the in-store cafe that was visible directly across from where we were sitting.

So anyway, when it was my turn to get my book autographed, I asked Leitch to write something about the Mets and this is what I got.

Should have seen it coming considering this is what he emailed me after the Mets swept the Cardinals in the 2007 season opener (I had emailed him first with an anonymous taunt).

But yeah, the stupid fucking Cardnials aside, it was nice to see sports blog royalty in person. Now I just have to meet he guy behind this and my life will be complete.

Oh and Robocop is back with another adventure if you're interested in that kind of thing.

Secret agent Stan Kastan?

More proof that Glavine was a two timing, four flushing, backstabbing sonofabitch!

Quote from former President of the Atlanta Braves, Stan Kasten, as reported by Bugs and Cranks:

I called [Tom] the first day you could talk to free agents and said listen, dude, you gotta go back to the Braves. And he said, “Yeah?”

Irrefutable proof! Look at the way Glavine answers! He knew the whole time he was going back to Atlanta. He fucking knew!

Mets vs Phillies - LETS GET READY TO START GETTING READY

Spring training is under way, which means its 2008 projections season, too. Fangraphs has the CHONE and Marcel projections for individual players all up and sortable and BP's released their team projections based on Nate Silver's PECOTA system. As most any reasonable person with a modicum of common season could have also predicted, the Mets are heavy favorites to win the NL East. 10 wins ahead of the Bravos and 12 in front of the Phillzies. Of course, dim-witted, unattractive Phillies bloggers may still try to convince you that the Mets are only slight favorites, but you'd be better off ignoring anything stated by Phillie fans as they are all inveterate liars anyway.

There is also some animated back and forth going on the intertubes between Philly fans and Mets fans as reported over at Metsblog. Most dastardly is news that a Facebook group as been formed to organzie by Phillies fan to plan a take over of Shea Stadium!

OH NOS!!!1

As I have written before (too lazy to do anymore links), Phillies fans are a collective of unhousebroken slobs. It is a fact that there are more gothic fonted stomach tatoos per capita in Philadelphia than anywhere in the world. But regardless, I say bring it on, because here's what will happen:

Oh whatever, I'm sure it was consensual.

By the way, Mr. Met, would you mind doing your Kool-Aid guy impression for me?


Nice, thanks, bro.

Conspiracy theories

There are a lot of dumb yet popular conspiracy theories out there. I think my belief that Tom Glavine has been a double agent working for the Atlanta Braves for the last 5 years is at least as credible as the notion that "reptilian humanoids, possibly from space, secretly run the world."

Despite all this, I'll still be rooting for you, though, Tom. Rooting for you TO FAIL.

Ha ha ha, psyched you out, dick.

I Wanna Hold Jo-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

10 Questions Heading into Spring Training:
10. How many beers will Dynamo drink on Mar 31, 2008 when the Mets open at the Marlins?
9. How long until Ramon Castro is the everyday catcher and Willie/Omar admit the HUGE mistake that was the Milledge deal?
8. Will Mike Pelfrey develop into a quality major league starter?
7. Can Carlos Delgado produce in the post-steroids era?
6. How many games will Endy Chavez see in the outfield? The answer to this question could prove critical, as if either Churchy or The Old Man stumbles early, Endy is a solid 4th outfielder. But if Endy gets 600 AB's things are not going well for the Metropolitans and a trade must be made.
5. Can Duaner Sanchez return and be productive in the Mets pen?
4. Why is Scott Schoeneweis on the Mets?
3. What role will the Mets bench play?
2. Can the bullpen rebound from a sub-par 2007, PARTICULARLY late in the season, and return to 2006 form (see also question # 5)?
1. How badly will the Mets beat that turncoat Tom Glavine every time he pitches against them?

F you! S my F'ing D!

I'm not pissed at anything actually, I was just thinking of 'Get in the Ring' by Guns and F'in Roses.

What a fun band they were (emphasis on were. yes im talking to you Axl, you hermaphroditic freakshow).

So here's what I'm thinkin:

- Johan Santana is my new Bro... han Santana.

- Clemens neither is nor deserves to be considered innocent until proven guilty in the court of public opinion. He is a prick. Fuck him. He tried to assassinate Mike Piazza with a deadly shard of a wood and needs to be injected in the butt by McNamee with a deadly, deadly poison. Clemens, you cock ass. You fucking dick bite.

- Will Leitch is promoting his book in Georgetown in the coming month or so and I'm going to see if he'll autograph it "Yadier Molina is a buttfucking sonofabitch".

- Who the fuck is Tony Armas Jr?

- I once shook hands with David Wright and hence my entire body has been turned to solid gold.

- Shawn Green, Big Pud and Tom "Quisling" Glavine are off the payroll this year. That is awesome. When they're all old and decrepit men (so like, 5 years) I'd like to take them all on a vacation to the Grand Canyon to thank them for their service to the Metropolitan baseball club and then roll their wheel chairs off a cliff.

- I still want to heckle Ryan Church.

- The New York Football Giants are the Supreme Overlords of all that is gridirons and pigskins and basking in their Glorious Triumph of Touchdowns and Extra Points will be the only thing that carries me through these cold dark days of sports hibernation.

- Go beers.

Larry Jones is a nerd

Larry Jones is posting on Braves blogs with the user name U Kno Who. What a fucking dork. get a life you fucking geek. seriously. god what a fucking nerd.

you stupid larry jones. you suck and youre lame. END YOUR STUPID LIFE YOU STUPID ASS.

Mets vs Phillies 2008 Projection

If I could do some real baseball blogging for a second, remember when I was having that 'debate' about who would have the better season next year, the Phillies or the Mets?

Thankfully, Dave Pinto at Baseball Musing has done all the heavy lifting for me. According to Pinto, the Phillies should average between 4.78 and 5.34 runs per game and the Mets should average between 4.62 and 5.19. Thats a difference of about 0.160 and 0.150 runs per game on either end of the scale.

But wait, Pinto used Marcel projections for the 2008 season, so those numbers need to be adjusted for park effects if we're going to do a one-on-one comparison on who has the better offense. Over the last three years, Citizens Bank Park has produced 0.159 more runs per game than Shea. Now one doesn't have to be a scientician to realize that this means the Mets and the Phillies are going to have pretty similar offenses come next season.

Now add to that the advantage the Mets pitching staff (NOW WITH JOHAN SANTANA) has over the Phillies and what you get is a slam dunk of touchdowns.

METS > PHILLIES

Q.E.D.

This blog will now resume it's regular bits pertaining to dicks, farts and lesbian nazi hookers abducted by space aliens and forced into weight loss programs.

Johan!

JOHAN WILL BE A METROPOLITAN!! Can we immediately induct Bill Smith into the GMDB Hall of Fame?