F You Friday: Timmy Pudson

Tim Hudson's biggest crimes against humanity are merely being the Braves' starter for their season opener against the Mets and appropriating a name that should be reserved solely for rivers that run by the greatest city in the world and its titular explorers. Other than that, Timothy hasn't done all that much to engender any deep burning hatred from me. But being a Brave is still enough, so fuck 'em.

I also found this tee-rarded picture of Hudson on the internets.


I'd also like to extend a reverse FYF to Mike Hampton. Hamtonzofun is by far my favorite Brave. Not only did he give the second best year of his career to the Mets in (2000: 217 innings of 142+ ERA) but he's spent most of the rest of his career since sabotaging the Braves rotation. The list of injuries he's suffered is laughable. Hah! That list indeed tickles my funny bone!

Hamtone hasn't pitched since 2005 and by the end of this season the Braves will have paid him $48.5 million samolians in 6 years for a grand total of 72 starts, plus whatever he's able to pitch this year, if he ever comes back from his current stint on the DL. Mike Hampton literally got rich by screwing over the Braves. That is totally my dream job.

Game time is 7:05 p.m - now lets fucking do this Mr. Maine, shall we?

FYF: Brett effing Myers

Wife beaters make easy targets, but of course, so do pedophiles and emo fans, so by know means should anyone hold back their invective.

Brett Myers is this week's subject of derision because the last of the completely worthless preseason predictions have all come out, and nearly everyone cites Myers' return to the starting rotation as a reason why the Phillies are going to either challenge for or win the NL East.

What crock. Myers is a coward and an asshole. The Phillies have a thinner line up than the Mets and their rotation and and bullpen are both dogshit. You can talk about both teams' negatives until it boils down to Utley and Hamels v DWright and Santana. Advantage Mets.

But anyway, Myers is this big pussy who got drunk and punched his wife IN THE FACE and then got her to drop the charges. Fuck this guy in the ear.

If only Tawny Kitaen was this cockbag's wife, then at least we'd have a fair fight.

F YOU FRIDAY: Die Smoltzeepoo!

I know still no one gives a crap about my fantasy team, however, today it is relevant because I've dedicated this week's FYF to my no.2 starting pitcher, John Smoltz. Smoltz is such a tremendous piece of shit that they only way I could take him was if he slipped all the way to the 6th round, which he did, and so John Smoltz is a member of The Fuggin Sluds (my team name. clever, no?).

It pained me to do so but look at what Baseball Prospectus' Fantasy Beat writer Marc Normandin has to day about Smoltziepoopoo: "Sabathia and Smoltz are no slouches in the third and fourth slots, as both of those pitchers are expected to hit the 200-inning mark while posting low ERAs, lots of wins, and contribute solid strikeout totals. You have to love John Smoltz’s Beta score, despite his age."

Yes, BP has Smoltz ranked as the FOURTH best pitcher in the ENTIRE LEAGUE. I didn't want to do it, but I had passed on him the round before and the pick before me was Lackey and I realized this was an incredible steal so what the fuck, I can always trade him right?

Well no, after asking around for trades, everyone in my league started giving me shit about how old and crappy Smoltz is, offering the likes of Hunter Pence or Franklin fucking Morales, straight up. So now I have to DEFEND John Smoltz' baseball talents to these assholes. It makes me sick. Yes Smoltz is an aging pile of dog shit, but no, I still will not trade him for Jose Guillen. Grrr, it makes me so MAD!

You know what, fuck PECOTA and Baseball Prospectus too. What the hell do computers know? God damn robots are taking over this sport.

Anyway, here's what I want to see happen to Smoltz. Not figuratively either. I actually want this to happen to Smoltz exactly as depicted. Fucking Smoltz.


In other exciting new, cute coffee girl gave me a buy 10 get 1 free card without me having to ask for it. Oh yeah it is ON!

F YOU FRIDAY: Die Frenchy

The people have spoken (well, The Coop, anyway), and GMDB is only too happy to oblige. Thanks for the suggestion Coop, I would like nothing more than to skewer Jeff Fransewer.

Jeph Francoeur has been hailed as 'the Natural' due to a scintillating debut as a rookie in 2005. Since then, all he's proven is that he's a naturally over-rated bust that got over-hyped by Atlanta's racist press' endless quest to discover the next great white hope.

When not working on his sterling 4.2 career strike out to walk ratio, Geoff enjoys murdering puppies and engaging in public acts of sexual deviancy. Want proof? Ok, how's this?


Fenchy is totally not bashful about his abominable affronts to decency. Look! (NSFW... but if you've come this far you really owe it to yourself to click through)

God he makes me sick. You know how Francore could help his shitty K/BB ratio? By walking more. Might I then suggest a long walk off a short pier? Hah! Stings doesn't it, Jeffy! No, seriously, die.

F You Friday: die larry

Only the second week of GMDB's new feature and already I'm slacking off. Nothing new here. I hate Larry Jones and I want him exterminated. I think when he was being named his mom were like, "Hey, Larry is a great name, lets name our son that." and then his Dad was like, "Yes, but lets also call him Chipper because that is also a great name." And then his mom goes, "Yeah, two great names for our great son." And then they dad went and cut firewood because that was his job and the mom went and prepared tv dinners to eat because thats what stupid redneck assholes do.


Ok, now that I've taken care of my weekly responsibility I can go get drunk.

It's F You Friday!

Happy Leap Day and GMDB's premier of F You Friday. Hopefully I will remember to make a new F You post every Friday afternoon, which will consist of me telling someone who deserves it to f off.

Today, it's who else, The Glav-Dawg.

Tom Glavine is a stupid asshole and I want to get his 'f you' out of the way so I can enjoy the impending start if the season. Glavine put together 4 decent years for the Mets after coming over form the darkside, but it was clear his heart was never in it. And just when it looks like he was finally warming up to New York with his 300th win and totally hot wife, he blows it by tanking the final game of the year, and then resigning with Darth Schuerholz and the stupid Braves. God riddence dickhead.

Here's what I hope happens to Glavine in the near future.

Figuratively, of course.

Anyway, I'm done with you now Glavine. I will enjoy the Schadenfreude when you suck but otherwise you shan't occupy another moment of my valuable time. Jerk.

Please feel free to pass along any suggestions and disagreements for consideration in future installments in F You Friday.