Yeah, look at all that garbage. And is that the back right wheel of a 2005 Ford Focus I see? Oh yes we're awesome. And don't give me any shit about how puny that is compared to the party you had at college, with like, 50 pallets of nattty light and 4 trash cans of grain and how you totally fingerblasted that chick on the dance floor. Great, good for you, frat lord. We live in a neighborhood. You should see how this compares to the houses next door. When I was walking to my car this morning I saw one measly empty six pack of Sierra in the yuppie neighbors' driveway. I was so disgusted I spit in their garbage. Hah! that'll show them.So anyway, the party was sweet. We shucked some oysters, drank some orange beers, played some Rock Band and, uh, um, and Jon Lovitz was there. Yeah, that's right, Lovitz. He was all funny and grinning creepily and he told some jokes and they were great! It was Lovitz all up in the CBP, baby. So suck me.
The point of all this is that cleaning up parties sucks shit. It smells and it's sticky and you're always finding something else of value to you that someone completely destroyed and failed to mention it to you. Thanks guys, I never liked that CD anyway!
There is one nice part of cleaning though, finding all those loose unopened beers. It's like an easter egg hunt. Sure, some of them are banged up and covered in filth and you end up pitching them anyway, but lots of time people bring a random sixer and only drink 5 or forget they brought a beer into the bathroom with them, and then, as your tossing all the plastic cups and beer boxes, you uncover a pristine bottle of Amstel, or a lonely forgotten Bud Heavy. Surprise! Found beer!
Delicious found beer.
Usually you can drink for the rest of the week on found beer without having to go to the store again. So it's kind of like you're still enjoying the same kick ass party that Lovitz showed up to many days later. And it's because of found beer that my life totally doesn't suck at all.
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