More non-baseball twaddle: Entourage Holiday Bro-tacular

Vince, Eric and Turtle are sitting in Vince's new place. Drama comes out with a steaming pan of food.

D: Merry X-mas everyone, get your plates ready for some egg nog cassarole.

V: Merry x-mas to you Johnny, and that smells great may I had. You know its great we can still celebrate the holidays together, even though we've all moved out into our own places.

T: And I've got a present for all of you bitches - O Tannen-bud, Jolly old St. Ni-chonic, that sticky evergreen pine leaves.

E: Evergreens don't have leaves, Turtle, they have needles.

Turtle finishes unwrapping several joints from a napkin he pulled out of his pocket. T: Whatever E, you want your x-mas present or not?

V: I'll accept your present, Turtle. How very thoughtful of you.

D: I'll smoke with you, Turtle. Just as soon a I finish my Fitness Made Simple workout.

E: Fitness Made Simple, by fitness celebrity John Basedow?

D: He's the one. Guy's workout is the best. He makes Chuck Norris' Total Body Workout look like dog shit.

E: Isn't Chuck Norris kind of an asshole in real life, too?

Turtle, after taking a big toke of a joint: True dat. Chuck Norris fact: huge fag.

The gang all laughs. Eric's phone rings.

E: Ari - whats the good word.

Ari slams the door of his black S class Mercedes carrying 2 iPhones and talking on a third.

A: Two words Eric, Summer's Eve, as in you need to wash out that god damn vagina of yours, I can smell you from here Eric, the tuna has spoiled.

E: Shut the fuck up Ari.

A: No, E, let me tell you has a friend: you need to start douching your vagina. People are starting to talk.

E: Oh yeah you fuckin prick? Well talk to me about Don Helmut. When are his checks to the Medellin funding coming in?

A: Dinner tonight - he's brining the checks, so for fucks sake, wash your fucking vagaina.

Ari hangs up at Eric and then gives the finger to some guy who rides by on a bike and nearly hits him.

Later on at the restaurant Vince and Eric walk and and Ari comes out to greet him.

A: Hurry up and sit down, I don't know how much longer Don is going to last.

Eric and Vince look at him quizzically. Then they notice in the background Don, chugging a magnum of Champagne, flanked by 3 beautiful prostitutes.

DH: Look how fast I can drink this Champagne you whores!

Eric, Vince and Ari sit down at the table cautiously.

E: So, Don, I heard you brought some checks with you?

DH, shouting: In a minute, Eric - If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of busy with these whores!!!

Don puts his face between one of the prostitutes clevage and shakes his back and forth. Then picks his head up and looks at Vince.

DH: Vince! Look at these tits!!! They're big enough to play telephone operator with!!!

Don grabs one boob of another prostitute and puts it next to his ear. Then he grab the other boob and begins sucking on and saying "Hello!? Hello?!"

DH: Gentlemen - A toast!!!

Ari: Sure Don, I'm as much for mixing business with pleasure as anyone but aren't you taking it easy these days?

DH: Easy? What the fuck do I have to take it easy for? I'm back on top baby! I AM THE CHAMPION! In fact, forget these weak french shit [Don tosses the bottle of champagne carelessly behind him] I didn't buy all this blow to not snort it!

V: We just don't want to see you over do it Don. We want to be able to make more movies with you after Medellin.

DH: Over do it? [Don picks his nose up from a mound full of cocaine he had just dumped all over one of the prostitute's ass]. How could I over do it? I'm the best! The world's fucking greatest of mankind!!!

E: No one is saying otherwise Don but is all this really necessary?

DH: DON HELMUT DOES WHAT DON HELMUT WANTS!!! [Don stands up and kicks his chair over] You know what I haven't done since last time I got this fucking gaked up? [Don pulls out a hand gun and loads a bullet. Everyone else freaks out]. That's right, it's didi mao time! I don't know why everyone calls it Russian Roulette. The only people I've ever seen do it are chinks and slopes!!!

A: Don - think about what you're doin babe. Put the gun down.

DH: Hey! He're to being number one!

Done puts the gun under neath his chin and pulls the trigger. The bullet blows his brains out the top of his skull and he collapses dead on the table, tipping it over and making a colossal mess.

E: Holy Shit

V: Whoa

A [with one raised eyebrow]: I would have put my money on V.D. getting him first, but I gotta give him credit for style.

E: So what do we do now?

A: I think we all know what we have to do now. Vince is doing Thundercats.

V: Ari - how can you say something like that?

Ari just holds his palms up and stammers.

V: Ari -you know I want to do something meaningful in my career, and not the big box office schlock. It may not matter to you, but it matters to me. And you're supposed to know this Ari.

A: Yeah but Vince, baby, I'm your agent!

V: Not anymore Ari. You're fired. Come on Eric, lets go.

A dumbfounded Ari is left my Don Helmut's corpse and an equally shocked Eric follows Vince out of the restaurant.

Eric is now driving Vince home.

E: You know you really impressed me in there Vince. I didn't think you had that in you.

V: I liked Ari, Eric, I really did. But he just doesn't know what I want right now.

E: Which would be specifically?

V: You know Eric. I want to make some arty film for a couple months a year, then wander in and out of meaningless relationships as I sex up the beautiful women in hollywood, and then kick back and smoke a little bud. That's all I want really. To act a little and then bone all sorts of crazy hot ass and get high. Why can't Ari get that?

E: I don't know Vince, but I really wish I would finally accomplish some of my personal goals as well.

V: Yeah? You're not accomplishing you goals, Eric?

E: No, to be honest I'm not. All I want is to take care of my clients.

V: You mean client? It's still just me.

E: Right, but thats fine, all i need is you as a client. All I need to to manage your career. And have a girlfriend that walks all over me.

V: Wait, what was that last part?

E: You know, I just want a girlfriend to tell me what to do all the time. And kinda, not respect anything I do or say. And belittle my opinion. And then step on my balls after sex. But you know this.

V: Yeah, I did know this. Look Eric, you're my best friend, so I'm telling you this cause I love you, but you're a bitch.

E: What?

V: It's true, you just want to be a little bith. You want to remove your cock and balls and replace them with a big sandy vagina. It's not that I'm ragging on you, it's just that you are the definition of a pussy.

E: Yeah, you know, you really all right. I should stop fighting it and just accept the fact that I'm a bitch. And you know, now that I have, it's not so bad.

V: Hey, some people are bitches, no big deal.

E: All right, all right, good talk, but we still have to worry about how we're getting money for Medellin now that Don Helmut is dead.

V: Eric, you worry to much, things will work out.

E: That's what you always say.

Vince and Eric get back to Vince's home where Drama and Turtle are over playing the video game Rock Band.

E: Have you guys been hear playing Rock Band the whole time.

T: No, we also hit the bong a little bit. Yo I'm baked like muffins yo!

V: Sounds better than our day.

T: What happens at dinner?

E: It was a disaster - Don Helmut died and now we have no funding for Medellin. Then Vince fired Ari.

D: I'm sorry bro. Things went better for me when I talked to my agent. Turns out my TV show has been going so well that I'm now able to get decent parts in real movies. Now I'm cmpletely content. My career is back to a respectable level. I can still get high and clown around with Turtle, and I have enough ridiculously gay outfits to keep me looking like a vain fruitcake for years. I really have everything I need.

T: Oh yeah, and Vince, I found something earlier today that I think you can use.

Turtle pulls a box up from next to the couch and opens it.

T: It's a box of money! I found it in the back yard. There's like, 150 million in there so that should cover your Medellin money and leave plenty left over for me to buy ass loads of weed and stupid colored Yankee hats.

E: Hey, Turtle! Great! And I found out I can be happy leading this miserable pathetic bitch of a life.

T: Thats great it suits you, bitch.

V: You know what, I'm going to call Ari back. Now that we've got money, I'll rehire him and give him another shot.

D: So we're all happy and nothing ever changes. That calls for a fucking X-mas toast. Lets break out the Cuervo!

Everyone toasts together: Merry fucking Xmas!!!!

D: And a totally sweet and awesome New Years, bros.

The end

More Non-baseball pablum: Loki and Puck

Loki: Many years ago I convinced Thor of the Aesir that the reason for his impotence was that he was pregnant.

Puck: Pregnant?

Loki: Mm. He's not very bright.

And I told him to lie face down and naked on his sleeping furs until I came and delivered him of child.

P: And he listened to you?

L: I was disguised as a wandering physician. And, as I said, he's-

P: Not very very bright?

L: Exactly.

So I fed him a gallon of castor oil, pained his arse blue and shoved a cork in his bum-hole.

P: Why?

L: Because it amused me to do so. I told him it was the cure of his condition. Then I went off to sleep with his wife.

P: Ho Hoh!

L: She wasn't much of a lay. But it amused me to know it would destroy him if he ever found out.

So Thor is lying down with a cork up his fundament for a week and a day, while his insides continue to rumble their course.

And now he's got a pain in his gut like you wouldn't believe, as the pressure continues to build...

I'd told him he might experience some pain. That it was common in pregnancy.

Suddenly, into the room, through the open window, boundsRatatosk, the squirrel who lives in the branches of the World Tree.

Ratatosk is curious as any little squirrel.

And he climbs on top of Thor's straining buttocks and he - pulls out the cork.

THRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP!!!!!

It's an explosion - eight days' worth of oiled shit thunders forth from the fundament of the Lord of Storms.

And the mighty Thor sits up, and looks around, and sees Ratatosk on the ground, stunned, glassed, befouled.

And slowly, with hands as big as ham hocks, he picks up the little animal, and stares at it.

And then, with one ponderous motion, he clasps it into his bosom.

"You're ugly," he says, "you're hairy and you're covered in shit. But you're mine, and I love you!"

Puck and Loki: Heehehehehehehehahahahehehahehehahe!

The end

What did the deaf, blind and crippled Brave fan get for Christmas?

CANCER.

Happy holiday everyone. Except for the Braves. Specifically Larry Jones. I wish him an unmerry x-mas. A frigid, melancholic, disatrouous and painful xmas to you, Larry, you worthless piece of dogshit.

But merry xmas to everyone else.

So i'm crazy bored at work and will probably just leave soon because this entire neighborhood is a ghost town except for the for bums defecating all over the benches surrounding my office.

I'm so friggin bored that I actually looked up a bunch of old songs from summer camp and am singing them to myself right now. I am quite literally the only person in my office today.

Oh god work is so lonely.

Tho I did find this hilarious picture from something awful.
Haha, Albert Swerengen.

Anyway, for my xmas present, i would like Dave Magadan, Rory B. Bellows and Shea Stadium to post some more. Are you even still reading the blog? Hello? Guys?

As you can see, i removed Simon Adebisi from the rolls for lack of posting, (that experiment worked well) so clearly i mean business.

Ok im going to go shoplift for jesus. happy ramadan! And oh yeah, fuck dominick the fucking donkey.

Oh, a Wise guy, eh?

So while most of this off season has been rather doo doo, Omar made a nifty little move just now by signing Matt Wise, a pretty decent reliever for 1 year/$1.2 million. And as Eric Simon pointed out in the preceding link (what, you didn't click yet you lazy son of a bitch?) We basically traded 34 year old (Guillermo Mota) with a career ERA+ of 107, for a 32 year year old (Matt Wise) also with a career ERA+ of 107 AND saved over a million bucks.

Building a quality bullpen without committing multiple years to steroid abusers, are we now? Great fucking idea, Omar. Glad to see you decided to step up and act like a GM again.

I guess there is some concern about Wise falling apart last year after he crushed Pedro Lopez' (who?) face with a fast ball back in July, but I actually consider that a plus. This guy sounds like a bad ass to me. A real killer. We need more guys like Matt Wise and his insatiable lust for murder on this team.

Guys like BLOOD FEAST ISLAND MAN


That reminds me of a story.

So I was headed over to my speaking engagement at the local Junior League when I realized I was still carrying my boom box with me from the night before. It was a noon meeting and after tea I was due up. Instead of the lecture I prepared on Transcendentalist Allusions in 20th Century Sequential Art, I just broke out the boom box and started singing along. After each song I would turn up the music a little louder and bang my head a little harder - my boom box only contains the heaviest of metal. The audience was enthralled.

The ultimate track was also the loudest. It's chorus left no Junior Leaguer unmoistened.

For her lust, shell burn in hell
Her soul done, medium well
All through mass manual stimulation
Salvation

I left the track on repeat and continued...

louder...

HARDER...

FIERCER...

...until it truly was...

A HEAVY METAL LUNCHEON

TRENTON MAKES...

CLEMENS TAKES (IT IN THE BUTT).

Thank you gomets2008, the metsblog.com commenter and Trentonian, for making my week so much brighter.

Big Pud is smrt

No sooner had the ink dried on Big Pud's generous $5 one year contract with the Nads did it get revealed that Lo Duca was one of the biggest pushers of HGH and steroids around the league.

AND HE WAS SO DUMB HE WROTE A THANK YOU NOTE TO HIS ILLEGAL DRUG DEALER ON HIS EMPLOYER'S STATIONARY.


There is so much more to this that you can find from better sources, but I just hope some certain Lo Duca apologists, whose names might rhyme with Att Ferrone, realize that this is just one more of many symptoms of horrible the stupidity that afflicts Big Pud. well Bowden, you may have fleeced Milledge from us, but you really fucked up on this one.

Bowden is stil an idiot - and more non-baseball crap

Let's get the baseball out of the way first. Bowden is a dumb shit. Chris Needham does an excellent job explaining to Nads fans why Paul Lo Duca is a degenerate waste of life, and also why it would be unconscionably stupid to sign him to play catcher, though at least it would give me someone to heckle now that stupid Churchie is a member of the Blue and Orange.

Moving on to the crap, it seems as though ChickSpeak is the gift that keeps on giving. Long time commenter and surly penguin, Rockyourface, was kind enough to share his own Reltionship Resume with us. Here's to hoping you "learn from the mistakes you made- or your partner made- in past relationships, and not drag them into the next loving connection," Rockyourface. I would also like to quickly add that Rockyourface left out the fact that he invented a new form of spooning with partner whose relationship was omitted from his resume. The move is called Ladling and is applicable when your ladle-partner resembles and weighs as much as Tony Siragusa.

Name: Roque Yorfass

Star Characteristics: Average Height, Average Length, Average Girth

University: Naughty America University

Degree: B.A. in Fart Hamology

Applicable Experience: 12 years using my right hand, Watched my dog hump another dog on my back porch while eating breakfast

Objective: A strong meaningful relationship with my soul-mate. My soul-mate being defined as anyone whose appearance accounts for less than 50% of my vomiting the next morning (booze accounting for the rest).

EDUCATION

High School

Sophomore Year - Junior Year: Dated Ms. Knocked-Up alot

I liked:

• Innocent Rounds of Mini-Golf
• Holding hands at lunch
• Holding hands on weekends
• Dry-humping in mesh shorts

I disliked:

• Holding hands at lunch
• Holding hands on weekends
• Dry-humping any other time
• When she got preggers by another dude

Senior Year - Dated Ms. Could Hardly Read

I liked:

• Hand jobs
• Her youthful vivaciousness
  
• Even more dry-humping

I disliked:

• Hand jobs
• Hand jobs
• Hand jobs, not leading to blow jobs

College

Freshman Year - Dance Floor Make Out with Don't Remember

I liked:

• Making out
• Over the shirt boob feeling
• Taking her from my insane friend

I disliked:

• Look, I really don't remember it, alright?
• Don't judge me

Freshman Year - Hooked up with Walrus

I liked:

• Someone else using their right hand
• She did not sleep in my bed

I disliked:

• Myself afterwards
• Anytime my wang touched anything for a week afterwards

Every Year Since College:

Dated: Girl Who Wanted to Date me in High School

I liked:

• She was out of my league
• She weighed less than me

I disliked:

• Cuddling
• Spooning
• Soul-crushingly boring conversations

More non-baseball crap: Relationship Resume

Without going into too much detail, I just want to say that I am a huge fan of the website, Chickspeak. Like most of males, I am clueless about women and awed by their many splendors. By religiously reading Chickspeak, I hope to *ahem* keep abreast with young women who seek inspiration for 'Big Dreams, Strong Values and Success in the world', so that I may connect on a deeper, more personal level with these women, and then feel their splendors.

In any event, I'm still bummed about the exodus of Blastings Thrilledge and would like to digress a bit from baseball. Our tangent springs from this marvelous piece of advice. Below is our own Relationship Resume.

Kent D. Namo

Star Characteristics: Powerful, Potent and Pungent

University: School is for nerds

Degree: Black Belt

Applicable Experience: Super-AIDs. Also my elbow once accidentally brushed up against a boob.

Objective: To be comfortable with myself and to learn from past relationships about what I want to achieve in future relationships. I hope to meet a woman that fills my needs, and I will then get to fill her.

EDUCATION

High School: Dated Whatsherface

I liked:

• sweet make out sessions
• playing tonsil hockey
• exploring her mouth with my mouth
• driving around in my Ford Mustang and making out

I disliked:

• when she dumped me for that other asshole
• her stupid face
• what a bitch

College:

Freshman year: totally plowed Whatshername

I liked:

• I swear to god I did
• you dont believe me? dude, everyone bone whatshername
• no it was that time after finals winter term, no one else was around
• whatever, I fucking did. fuck you.

I disliked:

• I know she did like, a thousand other guys, thats what I just said
• Do you think I care for one moment?
• You're just mad you never got a chance
• I was not a virgin!
• Eat shit

Junior Year: Dated... wait... wait... oh yeah, her!

I liked:

• Her living nearby
• Her coming over late at night
• Me never calling her any other time
• Only interacting while drunk

I disliked:

• Seeing her in class
• Seeing her at night before I had gotten drunk
• That time she got pissed just because I gave that sketchy townie all her tip money to go score drugs
• So I made a slight error in judgment, big deal
• Plus, what if he had come back with a bunch of drugs, that would've been sweet man, for sure

Every year since college: My annual birthday hooker

I liked:

• The simple, uncluttered interface of the erotic services page on craigslist
• Cheaper than mail order brides
• It beats crying myself to sleep alone

I disliked:

• Angry pimps
• The painful reminder of failure
• Chlamydia

Well that was a great soul-plunging fun. So now I am supposed to get laid tonight, right? I hope so, I don't want to have to go through this again.

We got raped

So we gave up this:

and got this:


and some other douche named Snyder or some shit.

Great. We got played by Jim fucking Bowden.

Good job Omar. You fucking Omar.

For real anal(raping)ysis see Klaw's take.

What? You don't have ESPN insider you penurious jerk? Here is a quote:

"[Scheider] is the definition of replacement level and paying him $10 million is bad enough. Giving up something of value to acquire that contract is horrible. It would be better to pay Johnny Estrada $3-4 million to be bad for one year than Schneider over $10 million to be worse for two years."

This could get ugly.

Entourage Episode 2: It Feels Good to Be Back on Top

Eric pulls up to a LA mansion in his Maserati sports car. Vince coolly walks out of the house, hugs a fine ass babe, puts on sunglasses, waves and gets in Eric's car.

E: Looks like last night was a success.

V: I would call it a success, yes.

E: Such a success that you'll ever call this girl again?

V: Cassandra? Hmmm... probably not.

E: Unbelievable.

V: Well what about your new girl, did you two have a success while I was gone?

E: You mean fuck her? I don't need to fuck Bethany for it to be a success, Vince.

V: That's my boy, E, without you, who would keep romance alive.

E: Certainly not you. But listen, we need to talk more about Thundercats.

V: Do we really? E, I just spent all day clearing my head, the last thing I want to do is cloud it up by discussing a movie about talking cats.

E: Well Ari has been driving me batshit calling about it. If you don't do Thundercats you need to do something.

V: You know what I want to do? Get Medellin distribution.

E: Allright, if I talk to Ari about Medellin will you at least read the Thundercats script.

V: Sure E, whatever you say.

E: Great, I'll call Ari as soon as we get back.

The scene shift to Drama and Turtle walking down a trendy Hollywood boulevard.

T: So you're going to make me get a rub and tug alone, Drama?

D: Sorry Turtle, now that I'm on a primetime network program I can't risk getting caught on camera coming out of one of those places.

T: Like anyone gives a shit who jerks you off.

D: Regardless Turtle, I'm getting my next piece of ass the old fashion way.

T: Fine, then comes with me to the bar and help me pick up chicks.

D: You really want to go to a singles bar, Turtle? Singles bars are so... desperate.

T: I am desperate, Drama!

D: God, you must be. All right, Turtle, I will do everything in my power to help you get laid tonight.

T: Thank you.

D: Nah, you know what bro, we're doing more than just taking some home some one night stand, we're going for the holy grail of hook ups.

T: Now you're talking.

D: Turtle, today, we will be having threesomes!

Turtle and Drama high five.

The action moves to Eric pacing the house waiting for Ari to answer.

A: Eric, what the fuck is up? And don't say your diminutive Irish prick, because Lloyd is already fully turgid, any more excitement and his going to ruin his new iMac that I just bought the whole office.

L: Ari, leave poor Eric alone!

E: I called to talk about Medellin, Ari.

A: Holy shit you must have read my mind, I was about to bring up Medellin. I though leprechauns just hoarded pots of gold at the end of rainbows, I didn't know they had ESP too. Have you been banging Miss Cleo, Eric?

E: Will you shut the fuck up and just say whatever is it is you've got to say about Medellin?

A: How about you and Vince get dressed up and meet me tonight at the new fancy Pan-Asian cuisine restaurant so you can meet our new bankroll.

E: We got funding or Medellin? That's great news.

A: Not just yet, E, that's what dinner is for, so don't ruin your appetite.

Ari hangs up and turns to Lloyd: All right Lloyd, get me those reservations. And not at the places you like to go, my leather pants and ball gag haven't come back from the try cleaners.

L: You are going to get yourself into a heap of trouble with that talk one of these days, Ari Gold.

A: Oh, Lloyd, this would be so less fun if you were black.

It is now later at night and Vince and Eric walk into the fancy restaurant to meet Vince, who is sitting with an older gentleman.

A: Boys, come here, I want to introduce you to the man of the hour, Mr. Don Helmut.

DH: Vince! I'm a huge fan!

V: Don, pleasure to meet you.

E: Hi Don, I'm Eric Murphy.

DH: Eric! Vince! Boys! Let me ask you, have you guys ever been down on your luck?

E: Well I wouldn't say we've had bad luck but we certainly went through pretty tough time while shooting this movie.

V: Of course it was all a labor of love.

DH: Well if you've ever been done before, let me tell you, IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK ON TOP!

A: Hear, hear!

E: Does that mean you want to fund Medellin and give us distribution?

DH: Listen boys, I used to be the biggest swinging dick in all of Hollywood during the 70's and 80's. But then I hit a rough patch and fell on hard times. Lots of coke, lots of hookers, a few snuff films. It wasn't pretty. But NOW I'M BACK BABY. And I want you to be part of the winning team!

A: Don's back in business and all in with Medellin. So, I'd say we have ourselves a deal.

E: Uh, yeah, I think we got ourselves a deal.

DH: Vince, do you want to be back on top?

V: I'm all in too, Don.

DH: That's what I wanted to here, of course you want to be back on top. It's fucking great at the top. Now let me ask you this, who's better than us? WHO'S FUCKING BETTER THAN US?

A: No one Don, absolutely no one, thats who.

DH: HOLY SHIT IT FEELS GOOD TO BE NUMBER ONE!

Eric, Vince, Ari and Don Helmut all raise their glasses to toast being number one again.

We now join Turtle and Drama again, who are both at a hot singles bar talking to four hot babes.

D: That's right ladies, my network TV show just got picked up for a second season, so you're going to be seeing a lot more of me this coming year.

All the hot babes giggle.

T: And I'm Vincent Chase's right hand man. Which means I hang with Vince, I smoke weed with Vince, eat with Vince, rip bong hits with Vince, drive with Vince, burn dank nugs with Vince.

The babes all giggle some more.

Drama pulls Turtle aside and says: I think we got this in the bag, bro. What did I tell you?

T: Two for me and two for you. Nothing stopping us from reaching the holy grail of hook ups now.

But then, out of no where, Justin Timberlake walks into the bar.

All the babes scream: JT!!!!

JT steps in and slaps five with Drama and Turtle as he moves into the babes.

D: Yeah, Justin, how ya been? Haven't seen you since that MTV awards after party.

JT: Drama, how are you my man?

Drama pulls JT aside: Listen bro, me and my boy here were working a little threesome action each for our selves here. But seeing as you're also one of my bros, there's no need to get greedy, there's plenty of ladies to go around.

JT: Drama, come on, like I really need to have another threesome? Please.

Drama and Turtle relax as it no looks like there will be at least one babe for each of them.

JT: But what I'd really like to do is have a foursome. You, you, and you, come one, lets go bring sexy back.

Turtle and Drama see their hopes dashed as JT leads three of the hot babes aay leaving just one remaining. The babe, dejected that she didn't get picked by JT then looks at both Turtle and Drama and gives a 'whatever' smile.

T: Of all the friggin people to show up.

D: Can it Turtle, I told you we'd be having a threesome tonight so lets go.

Drama grabs the remaining babe's hand and motions to Turtle.

T: Again? Fine, just don't look me in the eyes this time, Drama.

D: I know how this works Turtle just stay cool.

Turtle rolls his eyes and says: Come on honey, lemme show you where Vince takes his dump.

He then says aside to Drama: I call the back this time.

D: You had the back last time, thats not fair!

T: Yeah but I called it.

And the two continue to argue as they exit the bar for their MMF threesome.

The End.

Crawl back into the festering anus out which you were pooped

BENEDICT ARNOLD

VIDKUN QUISLING

TOM GLAVINE

Whoops

God damn it