More non-baseball crap: Relationship Resume

Without going into too much detail, I just want to say that I am a huge fan of the website, Chickspeak. Like most of males, I am clueless about women and awed by their many splendors. By religiously reading Chickspeak, I hope to *ahem* keep abreast with young women who seek inspiration for 'Big Dreams, Strong Values and Success in the world', so that I may connect on a deeper, more personal level with these women, and then feel their splendors.

In any event, I'm still bummed about the exodus of Blastings Thrilledge and would like to digress a bit from baseball. Our tangent springs from this marvelous piece of advice. Below is our own Relationship Resume.

Kent D. Namo

Star Characteristics: Powerful, Potent and Pungent

University: School is for nerds

Degree: Black Belt

Applicable Experience: Super-AIDs. Also my elbow once accidentally brushed up against a boob.

Objective: To be comfortable with myself and to learn from past relationships about what I want to achieve in future relationships. I hope to meet a woman that fills my needs, and I will then get to fill her.

EDUCATION

High School: Dated Whatsherface

I liked:

• sweet make out sessions
• playing tonsil hockey
• exploring her mouth with my mouth
• driving around in my Ford Mustang and making out

I disliked:

• when she dumped me for that other asshole
• her stupid face
• what a bitch

College:

Freshman year: totally plowed Whatshername

I liked:

• I swear to god I did
• you dont believe me? dude, everyone bone whatshername
• no it was that time after finals winter term, no one else was around
• whatever, I fucking did. fuck you.

I disliked:

• I know she did like, a thousand other guys, thats what I just said
• Do you think I care for one moment?
• You're just mad you never got a chance
• I was not a virgin!
• Eat shit

Junior Year: Dated... wait... wait... oh yeah, her!

I liked:

• Her living nearby
• Her coming over late at night
• Me never calling her any other time
• Only interacting while drunk

I disliked:

• Seeing her in class
• Seeing her at night before I had gotten drunk
• That time she got pissed just because I gave that sketchy townie all her tip money to go score drugs
• So I made a slight error in judgment, big deal
• Plus, what if he had come back with a bunch of drugs, that would've been sweet man, for sure

Every year since college: My annual birthday hooker

I liked:

• The simple, uncluttered interface of the erotic services page on craigslist
• Cheaper than mail order brides
• It beats crying myself to sleep alone

I disliked:

• Angry pimps
• The painful reminder of failure
• Chlamydia

Well that was a great soul-plunging fun. So now I am supposed to get laid tonight, right? I hope so, I don't want to have to go through this again.