GMDB EXCLUSIVE: EURO 2008 COVERAGE

Watching soccer is interminably boring and I have absolutely ZERO use for nationalism, but after Wagsiepoo pinched off yet another steaming hot load of crap, I just can't think about the Mets right now.

Instead, let's see what those faggy euro-tards are up to this summer with their queer little sport where you can't use your hands! Yah ha! Fun!

ps, if you don't know what Euro 2008 is or are confused by anything else I'm about to type well then why don't you LEARN HOW TO WIKI YOU LAZY BUFOON!

Group A
Portugal, Czech Republic, Turkey, Switzerland

Euro 2008 started like a week or so ago, so Portugal is already through to the next round and Switzerland has already been eliminated. I'm fine with that. You have to give credit to Portugal for not getting squashed under the thumb of Castilian rule, enabling them to maintain their own Kingdom, culture and language (unlike the Catalans, Basques and Galatians, who got totally PWND). On the other hand, the Swiss blow. Centuries of peace and neutrality and the all they have to show for it are coco mix and throat lozenges? Get your shit together Switzerland, or I'll give you something to yodel about. Plus I hate it when host countries automatically qualify for stuff. I'm glad you lost you're own tournament, pussies.

I also like the Czechs here, because they drink more beer per capita than any other country in the world, so me and the C.R. have a lot in common. On the other hand, I sympathize with Turkey. Here is this big secular Muslim country doing everything they can to fit into the cool guy Euro-club but Europe won't have them. 'Oh, they're the sick man of Europe, oh we can't possibly absorb that many people, oh their culture is too different'. Grow up, Europe. The battle of Vienna was over 400 years ago.

Turkey will beat The Czech Republic the final meaningful game of Group A, sending them through in second place finishers after the Portuguese play the Swiss to a lackluster tie and but win the group outright.

Group B
Crotia, Germany, Austria, Poland

Someone call the Hapsburgs, it's the battle for Mitteleuropa!

This group has also been through 2 games a piece and Croatia has already clinched a spot in the next round. I am fine with that, too. Anyone daring enough to where jerseys that look like tablecloths should get something out if it.

I like Germany to over come their last vestiges of Nazi guilt and blitz their way past Austria to annex the other spot in this group. Germany also has like, 80 million fucking people in their country so I sure as shit hope they can get past Austria, another lame ass host country who shouldn't even be here.

Poland would have probably given Croatia a run for their money but they all missed the game because they were too busy trying to screw in a light bulb and are eliminated.

Group C
Netherlands, France, Romania, Italy

The so-called Group of Death. I guess. I mean, with that bunch of losers it's certainly not the Group of Def! ELLE OH ELLE!!!

This group is still wide open, but I like Romania, and I'll tell you why. It's where they shot the village scenes in the Borat movie. Ah ha, its a very nice! Chin gwee! double LOL!

To snag second place and also advance, I'm picking the Dutch. I like them, because I often dutch oven myself and find it strangely enjoyable, but I don't like how they wear bright orange jerseys. Picking uniforms after your country's royal house is SO 20th century.

France and Italy battle it out for last place, which is great because they both worthless and weak. I like saying "Pardon my French, but you're an asshole." so let's say Les Bleus finish ahead of Azzurri. And that works because I have this thing about the Italians where I'm like, racist about them.

Group D
Spain, Sweden, Greece, Russia

I find Group D intriguing. A lot of cultures and languages. Three different alphabets even (Roman, Greek and Cyrillic).

HOLY SHIT - TOO MANY BEERS LAST NIGHT.

too hungover to finish this. fucking took to long to write all thi sdumb shit. games are starting now anyway. this countires are all full of bastards anyway. swedes, greeks, russkies, spanish, all bastards.

fuck this. russia and spain advances. vladimir putiepoot declares victory for all russians. all dirty hairy greeks sent to the gulag. the swedish chef is a fucking asshole. goodbye forever.