Pay zat man heez meeonee

The state of Minnesoate has more important thing to spend their money on than a new stadium for billionaire Twins owner Abe Pohlad, so Johan Santana is probably not going to find his big pay in the land of a thousand lakes. That's fine, the Wilpons are also rich; so make like Teddy KGB tell Gramma to break off a fat wad for the man and dress him up in blue and orange.


Here is how Johan projects:

Year ERA BB9 K9 HR9

2007 2.94 1.9 8.4 0.9

2008 3.24 2 8.3 0.9

2009 3.28 2 8.3 0.9

2010 3.26 1.9 7.3 0.9

2011 3.26 1.9 7 0.9

Maybe you try and trade Pelfrey and Milledge for him this winter for an extra year of Santana and a leg up on the following winter's bidding war but either way, Wilpon should get $125m ready to disperse over the next 5 years. or$140 or 7. Or maybe we do nothing like with stupid Barrell Zito and it all works but instead of just sucking ass like ugly Baryl Zito he just breaks his arm into pieces and never pitches again. Or maybe Santana signs with the Braves and then I break his arm and legs into pieces.

That is not a threat, that is a promise. I run a Bad Newz Kennels for Braves, where they are treated exactly like those dogs, which was despicable for the poor dogs but when you substitute Braves players it is actually commendable. So expect what you read about, except for the rape stand. I leave that part out.