Cardinals: DEAD

Thanks orlandometfan of metsblog.com for the inspired photoshop.

Also, La Russa:

MY FAVORITE FASHION ACCESSORY

When is Nathan's Hotdog's Free Sherman Necktie Promotional Day?

Time to envoke the spirit of Ulysses S. Bitches.

Try to rise again and see what happens motherfuckers.

Chris Woodward, Prepare to Taste Farthammer

David Lennon had this little nugget from that turncoat Chris Woodward, in today's Newsday:

"They were the team on top for so long and they want to get back on top," said former Met Chris Woodward, who signed with the Braves this offseason. "These guys are hungry for that. Everyone's kind of ticked off now."

Well, I'll tell you what Chris, I'll get you a spoon and you can eat my ass. You got your playoff share from last year, now shut up and sit your ass back down on that candied, coniferous, Canadian timber that remains brown with the remnants of John Smoltz's egg-salad sandwich on October 19, 1999 (yes, John we all saw you shart your pants in the dugout after Piazza's 2-run shot in the 7th to tie Game 6 at 7).

Why the Braves Are Hypocrites

The Braves, who sponsor "Christian Faith Day" as a promotional date, are big hypocrites. Far be it from me to tell a MLB franchise what promotional dates to host, or what players and coaches to hire, but I would say that it seems a mite hypocritical to employ admitted adulterers and wife-beaters on the one hand and then to appeal to their Christian fan base on the other. Hell it seems to me that any appeal to a faith-based fan group would be ill-founded; however an event which might alienate people of other faiths seems particularly egregious in a city with the 11th largest Jewish population in the United States.

Nonetheless, show me the passage in the Bible (new testament or old) that condones adultery and wife-beating. It's been awhile since I read the Good Book cover to cover (yes, in his younger days Rory Bellows spent much time traveling in hotel rooms and thus read the Bible cover to cover), but I don't recall any of the apostles mentioning, "And it came to pass in the 98th year that Moses did strike his wife in the face, and then went to relationship counseling and escaped a jail term." Now I ask you again, why would a team with such Christian values allow Larry to play third base (or outfield or wherever he plays now, hell let's just admit the man is a great hitter, 1.005 OPS, .326 EQA last year, and a terrible fielder, -12 FRAA last year) and Bobby Cox to manage? I'll refrain from even mentioning this man's history as both a drunk and a liar.

So just to recap:

Braves = Bastions of Christian Values
Larry Jones = Adultering Ass Who Named His Kid After Our Stadium
Bobby Cox = Overrated Manager Who Beats His Wife
Rafael Furcal = Liar and Drunk and Not Really Involved in the Argument

2007 PREDICTIONS: METS RULE; BRAVES DROOL

With opening day a mere 4 days away, like a stalk of bamboo my boner waxes turgid. You can find sober, objective predictions about the NL East from smart people here. My sage prognostications are here:

1. Mets 153-9
2. Marlins 80-83
3. Phillies 78-86
4. Braves 30-146
5. Nats 0-162

You can disagree with my projections but you'd be a fucking asshole if you did. The Metsies are going to be dropping bombs on everybody all year long. The Fish have enough young talent to only keep them from completely sucking. The Phils are over rated clowns. The Braves are buttfucking sonsofbitches, and Triple A jokes give the Crapitals far too much credit.

Lets play some fucking ball god damn it.

fuck you braves

i'll see you in hell